Lessons Learned from my Grandma

January 9 will always be the hardest day of the year for me. On this day three years ago, my beloved Grandma Jin passed away in her sleep, after many years battling COPD and several other health issues. I was glad she went peacefully, considering all the time she spent in hospitals, and the many times doctors told me she wouldn’t make it. But I was a wreck. This woman raised me and we were always super close, but especially since I had been taking care of her for several years beforehand, we developed a bond like no other. So most years on the anniversary of her death I turn into quite a mope. But this year I felt different. Yes, I miss her terribly and I’m not gonna lie, it hurts like hell. However, I realized I should be celebrating her life and the many things her legacy taught me and my family. Here is a list of just a few of the many fabulous lessons my amazing grandmother would have wanted the world to know.

To always be considerate. My feisty Grandma would always get worked up about people with no “consideration”. I guess that was her pet peeve. I always remember hearing her use this word but I never truly knew what it meant until I got older. It’s a simple concept of respect and being caring and thoughtful of other people and their time. She taught me to always to think of others before myself. Surprisingly, I have learned that most people float on by without the considerate trait and have absolutely no respect or awareness of others around them, but it truly makes a huge difference. And it is now my own pet peeve too!

To always look fabulous. I always tell people that my grandma would ask “Mandy, where’s your lipstick?” to which I’d reply “Grandma, I’m only going to the supermarket.” And then she’d scold me, using her classic line, “You never know!” Anyone who knew my grandma knew she always dressed to the nines. Having her hair, makeup, and nails done; wearing a fly outfit, and accessorizing was her thing. Back in her time, people would always dress up and look their best. So she was a real diva. Always classy, elegant, poised, and absolutely gorgeous. It is not about being pretentious, but instead it taught me that how you present yourself to the world says a lot about you.

That behind the smile, there is always some pain. When you look at the many photos I have of my beautiful Grandma, you’d probably think she had a good life. She was usually dolled up and smiling or laughing. There were plenty of good times for her, but I hate to say she actually endured a very rough life overall. She lived through the devastation of the Korean War where her and her family starved. She told me she was literally skin and bones as a child. Then her parents died when she was young, so she had to take care of her siblings. She never even got to go to school. Later on, her life of being married to an Army Officer and moving to America may have looked glamorous on the outside, but she was actually dealing with mistreatment, infidelity and betrayal beyond what most women can bare. She ended up as a single mother in a place where everyone was racist towards her and tried to take advantage of her. Despite it all, she kept her head held high and persevered with a smile on her face. I respected her so much for all she went through and how she still kept such a joyous spirit. No one would ever know of the challenges and struggles she faced because of how resilient and upbeat she was. That’s just how it goes: you never know what someone has been through.

The value of an education. One thing Grandma Jin engrained into my brain was how powerful an education is, especially since she was denied the privilege herself. She urged me to be good in school and to spend much of my own time reading and studying. As a kid, I remember what a kick she would get out of me reading random things out loud to her, since she never got to learn how herself. I will never forget how proud she looked when she got to see me walk across the stage and graduate college. It meant the world to her because of the many opportunities she missed out on, and now it means the world to me.

The value of common sense. Sometimes she was a little hard on herself. She would say, “I’m stupid, no education, but I have some common sense.” I would argue with her that it takes a LOT of common sense to make it without knowing how to read or write. You have to be pretty freaking remarkable to adapt in a new country the way she did and survive all those years. It taught me the difference between book smarts and street smarts, and how equally important each are. Grandma was the wisest person you would ever meet.

 

To enjoy a good meal. Grandma could throw down. She was the center of every occasion with her delicious cooking. Even when we went out to eat, it meant a lot to her to gather, say thanks, and share a nice meal together. She grew up in extreme poverty and did not believe in wasting any food, so she taught us to appreciate things in a way most kids didn’t. She would tell us how blessed we were to eat, and how God made all these things so they could nourish us. During the period where she got ill and I became her caregiver, I remember bringing her many meals from her favorite place ever, Popeye’s. Sometimes I would bring her a bowl from Chipotle and we’d chow down together, or sometimes I even got to take her out to eat her other favorites, seafood and Italian. Each time, she savored and appreciated every bite, and cherished being able to simply eat together. Now I cherish those simple memories like no other.

To take care of myself. At the time when I was taking care of my grandma before her passing, I was also going to school full-time and working full-time. I had a LOT on my plate. Even on the days where I didn’t see grandma in person and we just talked on the phone, she would always drill me on what I ate and how much sleep I got. She would lecture me to rest and that I had to listen to my body. Over the years, I learned the hard way how right she was and how important it is to take care of myself first and foremost.

To make every moment count. When I was a kid, I remember my Grandma Jin was always on the move. She worked hard, took care of me, my sister, and my mother; and was an active member of her church. She also made a lot of time for prayer and keeping her home immaculately clean. She was superwoman to me! She was always busy. To witness her health deteriorate over the years, and see her lose her independence as she could no longer drive, then she could no longer cook, then eventually she could hardly walk or breathe on her own. It was hard to see this, and very humbling. It made me realize how precious our lives are, and made me vow to make every moment count, because life passes you by quicker than you realize.
 

Unconditional love. This is the greatest thing my grandma ever showed me. No matter what, she was there for us. With anything our family went through, she was our rock. Growing up, I had a difficult childhood and she was the one I could always turn to. She lived her life in complete service to us and with the utmost loyalty to her family. No matter how badly she was treated, betrayed, and taken advantage of, she forgave everyone. Even at times when she couldn’t understand me, she never failed to show me love and support. She told me every single day how much she loved me, and always uplifted me with encouragement and praise. She would never, ever turn her back on us, no matter what we did. Even when she was hard on us, it was that tough love that we needed and later understood. This is how she instilled values and principles in us. The best way I can describe her and her role in my life is simply as unconditional love. I would not be half the woman I am today without having this. It taught me what kind of mother, grandmother, sister, friend, and neighbor I’d want to be.