How Moving Far Away Became the Best Thing I Ever Did

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day I left everything and everyone behind, spread my wings, and moved to paradise. Looking back, it ended up being the best thing I could have ever done for myself. But even still, I'm not gonna act like I wasn't sobbing when I had to say goodbyes to my family, or nervous when I boarded that one way flight. And I admit, it hasn’t all been rainbows and sunshine. I honestly wasn’t ever really scared to make this move, as my intuition reassured me that it was the right decision. But for a while, there were many times I felt alone and isolated. It only took a couple months after moving before people seemed to forget about me, and to this day I don’t really speak to anyone from back home regularly besides my mom. I didn’t realize I would be essentially starting over, living an entirely new life all on my own. But miraculously, it all came together. I eventually made some incredible new friendships, I not only survived but I thrived amongst an entirely new culture that isn’t exactly welcoming to outsiders, I discovered my passion and purpose in life, I unlocked levels of my own consciousness that have blown me away, and I’ve had some unforgettable and life-changing experiences. But above all, I have really become genuinely happy, and undergone a revolutionary awakening.

I am not exaggerating in any way when I say that I am a completely different person from the girl who got off that plane last year. I do not mean this because my life now consists of beach days, aloha spirit, and an endless tan. The obvious perks of living here are phenomenal, but it goes much deeper for me. Hawaii has been the perfect place to find myself. I honestly attribute this to the magical energy here, which natives have always referred to as “mana”. It has been powerful, healing, and really connected me to nature and the universe in a way I never dreamed of. 

I didn’t realized how drastic this shift was until I went back home to Maryland for two weeks. The place where I was born and raised somehow looked and felt so strange. After being gone for eight months, amazingly nothing had really changed there and everyone still seemed to be carrying on exactly as they were before I left. Yet after my transformation, my previous life was almost unrecognizable.  It was great to see my friends and family, but I realized I could no longer relate to anyone from back home. I wondered, had I stayed, would I be in the same old rut too? Complacent with my 9-5 like everyone else, and never demanding more from my life or searching within for answers? East Coast Amanda used to be concerned with extremely trivial things like gossip, going out, drinking, chasing boys, rocking the hottest outfits, buying expensive things, making lots of money.  None of which matter at all to me anymore. These days, the kind of things on Hawaii Amanda’s mind are entrepreneurship, art, organic food and nutrition, sustainability, volunteering, native cultures, social activism, and most of all spirituality. What a difference. I now see the world with totally new eyes.

I always joke around that “moving to Hawaii turned me into a hippie” but in all honesty, it pretty much did. I am so at peace with myself, with my life, and with the world, that I find myself just smiling for no reason. This journey I’m on has been so liberating. It began years ago, but evolved to new heights here. Most of this is due to having to be totally self-reliant and spending so much time alone, which led to exploring and contemplating nature; focusing on my spiritual studies and research; and lots of inner work. This got me to the point where I no longer care about conforming to society’s norms, fitting in, or money and material things. I no longer have a huge ego to feed, which is quite an accomplishment for a prideful leo. A lot of people may judge me for still being single at 28, for going on solo vacations, for having lots of tattoos, for listening to heavy metal, for saying “fuck” a lot, for being into “new age” philosophy, for basically being a walking paradox. But for the first time in my life, I am so completely comfortable with who I am that I accept and love myself unconditionally, and that’s all that matters. It’s complete freedom.

Would any of this have happened if I had stayed in my little comfort zone in Maryland? It’s pretty doubtful. Had I not been thrust into a lot of solitude and reflection, I would not have heard the voice of my own soul and explored myself as I have over the past year. It took being in a new and foreign place 5000 miles away for me to get here. Along the way, I have had a ton of fun and adventures, and pushed myself to be fearless (such as swimming with sharks) and rediscovered my true passions (such as writing and helping others). I have come to appreciate how strong and brave I am, and now embrace my authentic self, instead of who the world convinced me I should be. I could not ask for anything more fulfilling.

I now like to tell people these ironic stories of how when I was a little kid, I saw this tiny little island chain on the map in the middle of the Pacific ocean and said, “who the heck would actually live there?” Or how when I initially got presented with the opportunity to take a job in Hawaii, I immediately wrote it off due to the cost of living. But my life now is proof that remarkable things come when you stop playing it safe and take some risks in life. I know most people are perfectly content to stay settled in their hometown for the rest of their lives, which is fine. But I discovered I am just not one of those people. I know I would have never been happy settling for the status quo. I would be perfectly content being a gypsy and moving around the world for the rest of my life, or maybe staying here. But I honestly don’t know if I could ever return home. The door is now open to unlimited possibilities.

 

“She crossed an ocean to follow her heart, and she found her soul.”

 

XOXO❤️

RIP David Bowie

Rarely am I so affected by the news of a celebrity's death that I burst into tears instantaneously when I heard the news. That's how much David Bowie meant to me and to the world. This was a legend, an icon, a visionary, a hero, not only for pop music and rock n roll, but for anyone who ever dared to be different, a voice for the weirdos, freaks, queers, and outcasts. This was a man who didn't care what people said or how they received him because that's what being a true artist is all about. This was a man who paved the way for the glam rock and punk movements, and countless musicians across all genres. This was a man who challenged the status quo, who lived fearlessly regardless of society's taboos (i.e androgyny, sexual identity, and interracial dating). This was a man who took music to another level by not only having themes and characters for each album, but by completely reinventing himself time and time again over FIVE decades. Each of his many projects were profound in some way. Yet in interviews he was always kind, humble, and maintained a great sense of humor with a cool, calm demeanor. He refused to let any one identity define or constrict him, as he was constantly evolving and innovating. He changed the game and made that okay. This tremendous impact has touched millions on a person level, including me.

I guess the reason I was so emotional is because in a world of mediocrity, I still cherish real artists, individuality, originality, self expression, and aunthenticity. David Bowie was as real as they come, and they just don't come like this anymore. He's one of those people you think will just live forever, because he simply has to. So this really rocked me to my core. His music (especially Ziggy Stardust and Diamond Dogs) changed my life, and I will forever be grateful for all his incredible contributions and his brilliant legacy. The world took a great loss when he left. Sending love and light to this starman in the sky. ❤️

When you rock and roll with me

No one else I'd rather be

Nobody here can do it for me

I'm in tears again

When you rock and roll 

Why Travel is Good for the Soul

There are many things one can do to get in touch with their soul and progress as a person. Meditation, yoga, and prayer have been powerful tools for me personally. However, the most life-changing and transformative thing I’ve ever done is travel. When I started visiting different places around the world, it was all about fun and adventure, which will always be the case. But I started to realize it was changing me in ways that I never even imagined were possible and singlehandedly led to my spiritual evolution. Here is why it can do the same for you too!

It will expand your perspective. We tend to all live in our little bubbles. Our views are limited to our own reality; our experiences based on our lives. We are familiar and comfortable with where we are from and our own culture. But someone else from across the world has a completely different reality than yours. It’s easy to assume that life all over the planet is similar. I know for me, that was the case. As an American, I was conditioned to be arrogant with a nationalistic attitude. Many of us are convinced that our country is the most influential and that we have it all figured out. However, when you get out there and see firsthand how different life is in other places, any ethnocentric approach you possess will be challenged. It can really rock you to your core. You realize how little your city where you’re from actually is. You realize people all over the world live different ways, and they’re not necessarily wrong just because it’s not what you’re used to. In fact, in many cases you will find other customs more appealing. You may like the simplicity of the European lifestyle and their extremely efficient use of public transportation systems, or how Japanese show so much respect for where they live and refrain from littering. There are in fact many things that other countries do better than Americans. And then it hits you. It’s not even about who’s better. Slowly, you experience a paradigm shift. Your viewpoint will drastically change to a worldwide angle. You begin to see that your home country is just one of many on this huge planet we share, and each of us is in this together. Your way is not the only way, and the universe actually does not revolve around you and your bubble. My favorite a-ha moment when it comes to this was when I was in Paris. I was talking to a Muslim guy from Tunisia who was making me a sandwich at a deli next to my hotel. He was telling me how bad Muslims have it there, and how they’re discriminated against and treated as unwelcome. Then he looked me in my eyes and genuinely asked, “Do you all have racism in America?” I was floored. What an incredible thing perspective can be.

It humbles you. As you explore the world, you will empathize with different groups of people and see from their point of view. Each country and culture has so much to offer. There is not a single place I’ve been that is better in pictures or on TV. Everything is far more amazing and stimulating in person. There is nothing to replace actually experiencing a place it its entirety, with all the sights, smells, sounds, and really being immersed in its culture. If you’re open-minded, it will fascinate, dazzle, and enlighten you. You will fall in love with the people, the architecture, the language, the food, the music, the energy. It gives direct access to humanity. Despite our differences, we all share the same planet. By seeing all the world has to offer, you’ll connect with it and all of its inhabitants. That is how you truly appreciate your own membership in this human race.

It will push you out of your comfort zone. New environments will challenge you and force you to try new things. Being somewhere unfamiliar and feeling uncomfortable makes you to learn more about yourself than you ever will at home. This is where you find out what you’re really made of and how adaptive you are. Do you have what it takes to survive in a place without speaking the language, without understanding the norms, without knowing anyone? You may even surprise yourself. This helps you grow stronger and more resilient, and causes you to evolve into a more cultured, worldly person. You can always tell people who have been around and seen a few things, from those whose outlooks are limited to their own surroundings. It’s such an admirable trait to be more wise, experienced, sophisticated, and well-traveled.

It will make you appreciate things differently. As much as this is about expanding your horizon, it can also do a lot to change the way you look at your own life. You may find a bunch of things you like better in other countries, but at the end of the day, there’s no place like home. You will gain new respect for things you didn’t even realize you took for granted about your home country, like the convenience, the comfort food, or having family close by. You’ll also have more appreciation for how good you have it, especially when you visit less fortunate countries. Your problems don't matter anymore. Just from witnessing the struggles of others, you can be healed.

It will uplift you. One of the most beautiful lessons for me as a world traveler has been to witness certain universal values inherent in all people regardless of boundaries that separate us. Love, compassion, family, and spiritual purpose always prevail, regardless of cultural differences. This is what really matters most to all of us human beings no matter where you go. It transfers across any religion or border. Sometimes when you visit countries that have the least [as far as material possessions], they still appear to be happier than those of us from wealthier countries. And they are. Their lives are not complicated by technology and consumed with greed. They’re happy just to have what they need and to be together with their loved ones. It’s so incredible and refreshing to witness. It makes you look within and question your own existence in the grand scheme of things.

It will inspire you. Traveling is not about escaping your life, but rather escaping the soul-numbing routine many of us have been cast into; and cultivating a life of passion and purpose. When you see how other people live and how other parts of the world operate, you'll be driven to find and live your own mission in life. Travel is not about looking elsewhere for inspiration; but rather looking within. When you realize you're merely one soul wandering this great earth among billions of others, you'll feel more urgency to make your moments count and take advantage of every blessing. It’s hard to grasp the immensity of the world. Yet despite this, you will know for sure that you serve a distinct purpose and significance among it all. We all do.

It will awaken your spirit. I like to think of travelling as soul searching in a way. I have never heard my soul speak to me and guide me more than when I was traveling abroad. Somehow you just instinctively ditch your ways and wander. Your spirit will flourish the more you rely on your intuition, the more compassion you gain on each journey, the more you find yourself, the more you think outside the box, the more you gain gratitude, the more your awareness expands and your consciousness develops. Taking a trip allows you to slow down and listen to your inner being. It can be exciting and thrilling, but there are also opportunities for reflection when you’re facing a majestic mountain, an ocean view, or one of the Seven Wonders of the World. For me, it is the moments when I see a beautiful sight and am moved to tears when I feel the undeniable presence of my soul and cannot deny its existence. Even if it doesn’t induce waterworks for you, it’s still nourishing to your spiritual being and beneficial to your spiritual path and personal growth.  You will feel more alive and connected to the universe than ever before.

XOXO ❤️

Lessons Learned from my Grandma

January 9 will always be the hardest day of the year for me. On this day three years ago, my beloved Grandma Jin passed away in her sleep, after many years battling COPD and several other health issues. I was glad she went peacefully, considering all the time she spent in hospitals, and the many times doctors told me she wouldn’t make it. But I was a wreck. This woman raised me and we were always super close, but especially since I had been taking care of her for several years beforehand, we developed a bond like no other. So most years on the anniversary of her death I turn into quite a mope. But this year I felt different. Yes, I miss her terribly and I’m not gonna lie, it hurts like hell. However, I realized I should be celebrating her life and the many things her legacy taught me and my family. Here is a list of just a few of the many fabulous lessons my amazing grandmother would have wanted the world to know.

To always be considerate. My feisty Grandma would always get worked up about people with no “consideration”. I guess that was her pet peeve. I always remember hearing her use this word but I never truly knew what it meant until I got older. It’s a simple concept of respect and being caring and thoughtful of other people and their time. She taught me to always to think of others before myself. Surprisingly, I have learned that most people float on by without the considerate trait and have absolutely no respect or awareness of others around them, but it truly makes a huge difference. And it is now my own pet peeve too!

To always look fabulous. I always tell people that my grandma would ask “Mandy, where’s your lipstick?” to which I’d reply “Grandma, I’m only going to the supermarket.” And then she’d scold me, using her classic line, “You never know!” Anyone who knew my grandma knew she always dressed to the nines. Having her hair, makeup, and nails done; wearing a fly outfit, and accessorizing was her thing. Back in her time, people would always dress up and look their best. So she was a real diva. Always classy, elegant, poised, and absolutely gorgeous. It is not about being pretentious, but instead it taught me that how you present yourself to the world says a lot about you.

That behind the smile, there is always some pain. When you look at the many photos I have of my beautiful Grandma, you’d probably think she had a good life. She was usually dolled up and smiling or laughing. There were plenty of good times for her, but I hate to say she actually endured a very rough life overall. She lived through the devastation of the Korean War where her and her family starved. She told me she was literally skin and bones as a child. Then her parents died when she was young, so she had to take care of her siblings. She never even got to go to school. Later on, her life of being married to an Army Officer and moving to America may have looked glamorous on the outside, but she was actually dealing with mistreatment, infidelity and betrayal beyond what most women can bare. She ended up as a single mother in a place where everyone was racist towards her and tried to take advantage of her. Despite it all, she kept her head held high and persevered with a smile on her face. I respected her so much for all she went through and how she still kept such a joyous spirit. No one would ever know of the challenges and struggles she faced because of how resilient and upbeat she was. That’s just how it goes: you never know what someone has been through.

The value of an education. One thing Grandma Jin engrained into my brain was how powerful an education is, especially since she was denied the privilege herself. She urged me to be good in school and to spend much of my own time reading and studying. As a kid, I remember what a kick she would get out of me reading random things out loud to her, since she never got to learn how herself. I will never forget how proud she looked when she got to see me walk across the stage and graduate college. It meant the world to her because of the many opportunities she missed out on, and now it means the world to me.

The value of common sense. Sometimes she was a little hard on herself. She would say, “I’m stupid, no education, but I have some common sense.” I would argue with her that it takes a LOT of common sense to make it without knowing how to read or write. You have to be pretty freaking remarkable to adapt in a new country the way she did and survive all those years. It taught me the difference between book smarts and street smarts, and how equally important each are. Grandma was the wisest person you would ever meet.

 

To enjoy a good meal. Grandma could throw down. She was the center of every occasion with her delicious cooking. Even when we went out to eat, it meant a lot to her to gather, say thanks, and share a nice meal together. She grew up in extreme poverty and did not believe in wasting any food, so she taught us to appreciate things in a way most kids didn’t. She would tell us how blessed we were to eat, and how God made all these things so they could nourish us. During the period where she got ill and I became her caregiver, I remember bringing her many meals from her favorite place ever, Popeye’s. Sometimes I would bring her a bowl from Chipotle and we’d chow down together, or sometimes I even got to take her out to eat her other favorites, seafood and Italian. Each time, she savored and appreciated every bite, and cherished being able to simply eat together. Now I cherish those simple memories like no other.

To take care of myself. At the time when I was taking care of my grandma before her passing, I was also going to school full-time and working full-time. I had a LOT on my plate. Even on the days where I didn’t see grandma in person and we just talked on the phone, she would always drill me on what I ate and how much sleep I got. She would lecture me to rest and that I had to listen to my body. Over the years, I learned the hard way how right she was and how important it is to take care of myself first and foremost.

To make every moment count. When I was a kid, I remember my Grandma Jin was always on the move. She worked hard, took care of me, my sister, and my mother; and was an active member of her church. She also made a lot of time for prayer and keeping her home immaculately clean. She was superwoman to me! She was always busy. To witness her health deteriorate over the years, and see her lose her independence as she could no longer drive, then she could no longer cook, then eventually she could hardly walk or breathe on her own. It was hard to see this, and very humbling. It made me realize how precious our lives are, and made me vow to make every moment count, because life passes you by quicker than you realize.
 

Unconditional love. This is the greatest thing my grandma ever showed me. No matter what, she was there for us. With anything our family went through, she was our rock. Growing up, I had a difficult childhood and she was the one I could always turn to. She lived her life in complete service to us and with the utmost loyalty to her family. No matter how badly she was treated, betrayed, and taken advantage of, she forgave everyone. Even at times when she couldn’t understand me, she never failed to show me love and support. She told me every single day how much she loved me, and always uplifted me with encouragement and praise. She would never, ever turn her back on us, no matter what we did. Even when she was hard on us, it was that tough love that we needed and later understood. This is how she instilled values and principles in us. The best way I can describe her and her role in my life is simply as unconditional love. I would not be half the woman I am today without having this. It taught me what kind of mother, grandmother, sister, friend, and neighbor I’d want to be.