Birthday Recap

This past weekend I celebrated my 28th birthday. I wanted to take a minute and recap what I did, but also share a reflection that I thought was pretty significant.

First, I held a dinner a few nights before my actual birthday. I had been dying to try a Moroccan and Lebanese restaurant in downtown Honolulu that I found out about, called Kan Zaman. Being of Moroccan descent on my dad’s side, I was curious to see how authentic this place would be and how they were representing Mediterranean culture all the way here in Hawaii, halfway across the world. Overall, it was a great experience. The food, including hummus, braised lamb and couscous, was pretty good. The Moroccan mint tea and the entertainment provided by the belly dancer were definitely highlights for me.
Then on Saturday, the day of my actual birthday, I rested and relaxed all morning. Later on, some friends and I attended the Mayjah Rayjah reggae music festival at the Waikiki Shell. I was super excited about this as it’s supposed to be one of the best events of the year. It definitely did not disappoint! I had such a fabulous evening camped out on the grass hearing great reggae music from not only local Hawaiian bands, but some from the mainland, New Zealand and even Tarrus Riley from Jamaica. Between sets, there was an amazing DJ that definitely had us turning up to the fullest. I totally didn’t expect to dance my butt off like that! The crowd was awesome and the vibes were perfect. I truly enjoyed it and couldn’t have spent my birthday more perfectly.
Finally on Sunday, a bunch of coworkers and I held a big beach BBQ at Bellows Beach on the east coast of Oahu. The food was great, the turquoise water was gorgeous scenery, and despite a couple people getting stung by Portuguese Man o’ Wars, we all had a great time.
Although every weekend here in Hawaii is pretty freaking amazing, this weekend was particularly special. While some get bummed out about birthdays and aging, I embrace it. I view each birthday as a significant milestone, a great triumph to have survived another year of life and a reason to celebrate. More importantly, a birthday is the perfect time to reflect on where we’re at, how we’ve done over the past year, and also where we’re headed. I understand that honest self-reflection is not easy for many, but it can be a powerful tool in setting and achieving goals. For me, it’s absolutely essential.
This year in particular has been one of many accomplishments and great change for me. But honestly, I can’t ever remember being in such a good place as I am now. Hawaii was a good move for me, not only for obvious reasons, but because it is a very conscious place which has directly facilitated a lot of progress spiritually. I have been on this path to a higher consciousness since 2011, but it wasn’t until now that a shift occurred which really rocked me to my core. After just six months, I feel so much more awakened. I see such a change in myself that I feel like a totally different person with totally different priorities. I finally really found myself and my purpose in life, and I look at things totally different. I feel like a big hippie, but it feels really good.

In a way it’s kind of tough because I feel so disconnected from the mainstream and I can’t really relate to most people anymore. While many I know still care about designer clothes, material things, hitting the club, physical beauty, reality TV, gossip, and relationship drama, I now find those things so trivial and unappealing. I am focused on attaining knowledge, understanding the universe, connecting with nature, utilizing the law of attraction, meditating, holistic health, reading enlightening books, and all the other “new age” stuff that people laugh at or don’t think twice about. I am contemplating my future as an entrepreneur in ways I never even expected, re-discovering my passion for writing, and also exploring ways to network with like-minded folks who embrace consciousness and the truth I’ve come to know. But the most important thing is that I truly stopped caring about what other people think, pleasing or impressing anyone, or validation from others. I have finally fully accepted myself, who I am, and that I have never and will never really fit in. I now embrace it.

I know life will never be perfect or always filled with this peace and love and happy hippie stuff. I have a long way to go and still have a LOT to learn. There are still plenty of things I wish were different or areas of my life I would change if I could. In fact, I am quite sure that will always be the case. But this crossroad that I’ve reached is so profound. I thought I had it all figured out and was moving in the right direction, but it took moving out here to realize that no, this isn't all there is. There's more. And it's just below the surface. I'm close to getting where I'm destined to be. So I'm going to push myself until I find it. It feels great to be here in such a good place and on the right path. I am filled with gratitude each and every day, which will only keep the blessings rolling in. It all may sound silly or cliché to some, but I see it as huge leaps of progress and significant growth. The honest truth is I have never felt happier, more filled with joy and totally at peace. I find myself really living in the moment and therefore enjoy everything so much more.
So yes, this particular birthday was a big deal for me. It took me 28 years, but I’m finally comfortable with me and at a much higher frequency than ever before. I debated posting such a deep and personal reflection like this in my blog, but I figure the most that can happen if anyone actually reads this is that I will possibly inspire someone else, and if so, then it’s worth it. Everyone has their own path in life, and that’s the beauty of it all. For me personally, this journey has been filled with ups and downs, so things like this mean a lot to me. I don’t care so much about how much money I’m making or how many friends I have, but rather I am finding that true wealth is in spiritual evolution. Reaching this point has made me more proud than my degrees, my career, or anything else. Now I look forward to the future more than ever, and I believe that many others are reaching similar points too. There is no doubt that the collective consciousness of the world is evolving and reaching a higher level, as more eyes are opened each and every day. I have high hopes for many others to soon experience this glimpse of enlightenment like I have!

XOXO ❤️

Confessions of a Former Goth Girl

I have a love/hate relationship with my generation. One of the things on the love side is how open-minded and free we are. I love that we have tattoos, dye our hair pink and blue, and express ourselves by any means. However, I can’t help but “feel some type of way” about some of the fashion trends I have witnessed over the recent years. While shaving the sides of your head, getting facial piercings, and wearing rock band tee shirts is super hip now, I vividly remember the day when these things made you a complete social outcast.

A lot of people may not know this about me, as this hasn’t been something I talk about openly or very often, but… I once went through a “goth” phase. And I’m not talking about Hot Topic kids that listen to Marilyn Manson goth, I’m talking the real thing (yes there’s a difference, and you’d have to really be goth to know it….). This wasn't something I found and got into, it was something that found me, undoubtedly due to the influence of my dad. While I have never doubted his love for me, during my elementary school years he was really self-involved and going through this rock star lifestyle. He wasn’t the kind of dad that helped me with my homework or showed me how to ride a bike because he was out late with his friends drinking and partying. Nevertheless, I totally idolized him. So the fact that he had long black hair, wore lots of black with skulls and silver jewelry, hung out with leather-clad bikers, and listened to heavy metal along with some industrial and goth, really appealed to me. Some of the fondest memories I have of him actually spending time with me include being about 6-7, riding in his backseat with "Bela Legosi's Dead" by goth rock band Bauhaus playing loud, and its chanting of "undead, undead, undead..." echoing in my ears. To this day, he will laugh and tell the story of how he’d come home late at night (or early in the morning) and find notes I left him telling him that I saw Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” video on MTV. Yes, the one with the infamous lyrics, “I wanna fuck you like an animal.” Parenthood at its finest.

When I entered my preteen years and was filled not only with hormones but also with angst over the unfair hand of life I'd been dealt, this music cradled and soothed me in ways my broken home never could. It certainly didn’t help that my dad took me to my first real concert in 7th grade, which was goth metal band Type O Negative. That was it. I was hooked. All I wanted to wear was black clothes, boots and dark red lipstick. All I wanted to do was sit in my room and engross myself in all the underground goth music I could get my hands on. The age of 14, from 2001-2002, was the peak for me. I got my first tattoo (a band logo for Type O Negative coincidentally) and my lip pierced. I shaved both sides of my long black hair into a Mohawk. I started smoking by stealing my dad’s cigarettes. I got a fake ID and took the metro to goth clubs with my friends. I went to New York to find more goth records and funeral inspired clothing. I found beauty in cemeteries and horror movies. It consumed me in every way.

While the music was a huge part of it and is something I still listen to and enjoy to this day, that wasn’t all of it for me. It was truly about embracing the darker side of life. It was a coping mechanism for the pain I felt from being a child bounced around from one family member to another, and never having a happy family like the other kids at school seemed to. After never truly fitting in or being accepted by other kids, this scene welcomed me with open arms. I could express myself and the dark emotions I was dealing with. I could drown my sorrows with chain smoking clove cigarettes and listening to bands like Christian Death and Southern Death Cult. I could go down to my favorite club, Nation, and get drunk with my spooky friends and dance like a weeping widow. It may sound kind of corny and silly to many, but honestly it was FUN. I had the time of my life. I truly do not regret one single thing about any of this. Eventually I grew out of it and wanted to be tan and wear bright colors again. But this subculture will always be a part of me and it made me who I am. Deep inside there will always be a little goth girl in me.

Looking at me today, you may never guess this about my past, or that I still listen to this music all the time, even if I still wear dark lipstick and prefer to wear black most of the time. I take pride in being a very multi-faceted person with eclectic tastes. However, last October a friend of mine invited me to this DC Fetish Ball event and it brought back so many memories. It had been more than 10 years since I stepped foot into a goth club, but nothing had changed. Everyone still danced by themselves and had a ball, regardless of how they looked. People were still friendly and non-judgmental. The fashion was still divine. And the music was still damn good. It revived a little piece of me that I hadn’t seen in a while. It felt amazing.

However, I can’t share all this without also sharing the repercussions that this alternative lifestyle had on me at the time. Not only was I stared at everywhere I went and teased relentlessly in school, but some kids even wanted to fight me and kick my ass just for being different. My family thought I was in a cult and constantly ridiculed me. My dad, the very person responsible for this entire ordeal, was so freaked out that he took the doorknob off my door so I could no longer hide what I was doing. These things only reinforced the disdain I felt for the conformity society expects of its sheep, and of course made me rebel even more. I’m sure that any goth person, or person who doesn’t fit in, can tell you that unacceptance is easy to brush off and get used to, but it truly kind of hurts. People can be cruel, and it sucks that they really treat you like a monster if you’re not like them.

Fast forward to 2015, a time when rock n roll and being a bad ass is cool, so corsets, leather jackets, black lipstick, neon colored hair, septum piercings, ripped up clothes, S&M, and combat boots are all IN now. I honestly wanted to die when I saw Kim Kardashian wearing a fucking Metallica shirt. To be quite frank, it just pisses me off. Back when I dared to be an individual before a majority of people wanted to too, I got hell for it. But now that it’s trendy, it’s okay. Even though these things mean nothing to the people who rock them nowadays (besides a fashion fad that will pass one day), they were the very same people who used to bully us goths for being freaks. Oh, the irony.

So while I am glad people have minds open enough to wear edgy clothes and express themselves, in many ways it’s still equally as repulsive and disturbing. My only hope is that perhaps acceptance will soon be the new norm, and the gothic subculture will get credit for being as awesome as it actually is, along with any other group traditionally outcasted by society. Wishful thinking.

10 Things I Eliminated for A Healthier and More Conscious Lifesyle

Anyone who knows me personally probably knows that I have been on a path to consciousness and healthy living with a very holistic approach. The body, mind and spirit are all equally as important. Exercise, eating healthy, organic foods, and proper sleep are all essential for the body. Reading stimulating books, researching and learning as much as possible are essential for challenging the mind. Meditating, living compassionately, and keeping your energy positive are essential for the spirit. I believe these things with all of my being.

As strongly as I feel about this, I will never sit here and preach to anyone or act like an expert. I am in no way a perfect person who has mastered any of these things. Believe me, I have a long way to go. It’s been a struggle for years to break all the bad habits I’ve developed throughout my life and to stay on track. I’m just being honest. But at least I am on my way and have made many changes to head in the right direction.

These goals and this lifestyle mean a lot to me. So I decided to share some things I’ve given up, as well as what I replaced them with, in case this may interest or help anyone else. Some are minor changes, while some are more major milestones. But every single bit helps on this path, and I encourage everyone else to do the same, share their experiences, and focus on their overall wellbeing as their absolute priority!

1)      Medication – I was once that hypochondriac who went to the doctors for just about anything, where I’d walk away with an RX and pop pills without thinking twice. I blindly and naively trusted my doctors and the medical field in general. It wasn’t until 2013 that I learned better.

During that year, I had chronic bronchitis due to my extremely weak immune system and respiratory problems. Every month or so, I would get cold symptoms that would eventually lead to bronchitis. This had been going on since 2010 for me, but this particular year was really extreme. Each time, my doctors would prescribe steroids and antibiotics. During the holiday season in December, I got it once again and was put on Zithromax, better known as the “Z Pack” antibiotic treatment, which I had taken several times before. On December 22nd, I started breaking out in hives. This allergic reaction had happened to me a few before, though I never knew why. So I took some Benadryl and thought it would go away as usual. However, the hives persisted and even got worse. So I went to the doctors again and got put on steroids. I remember calling the doctor several hours after taking them and asking why it wasn’t working. I was in so much pain and totally miserable. They told me to keep taking them with the Benadryl, that it might be a while before they work. On Christmas Eve, I started to feel a little better so I spent the day cooking dinner for my family, who were celebrating our “Noche Buena” Navidad that night. I got to the party, and was having a great time. All of the sudden, I started itching on my face and neck, realizing the hives were back and getting worse than ever. They quickly spread to every part of my body. I was bummed but I had to leave early, go home, take Benadryl and pass out, just to avoid the pain. I wanted to rip my skin off so bad that I was in tears. An hour or so later at about 12 AM, I was unable to sleep even despite the drowsy effect of Benadryl, and I knew something wasn’t right. I felt my face swelling up really fast, but I laid there in shock and disbelief. I honestly thought I was hallucinating. I finally got up, looked in the mirror and screamed. My lips had swelled to at least four times their normal size. My face was so swollen that my forehead had a line where it was folding over my eyes. I was too scared to drive, so I called my sister and she rushed me to the ER. It would only be a matter of time before my throat also swelled, causing me to not be able to breathe. This is exactly how allergic reactions cause so many deaths. The nurse said I arrived just in time. I got hooked up to an IV and injected with so many medications, I lost count. The swelling went down immediately, and I finally got relief from the hives due to an anti-itching medication. We went through everything, and I mean everything that I had eaten and done over the past few weeks trying to figure out what caused this. Finally I realized I had taken the Z pack antibiotics over a week ago, and the nurse immediately said “OH!” and knew for a fact that this was the cause. But how, if I took it so long ago? And why did the symptoms get worse over three days? Apparently these antibiotics stay in your system for a while and any reactions may take time to actually appear. I was stunned, but I was so doped up and could barely keep my eyes open. I was released that night, so I went home and passed out.

The next day was Christmas Day, and I remember waking up feeling more horrible than ever in my life. My body was so weak, I could barely move. All the drugs they pumped me up on had succeeded in treating the reaction, but left me feeling ill and totally depleted. I had to continue taking some steroids and other meds to ensure the reaction was over, and was given instructions to follow up with an allergist, who literally told me the only way to pinpoint exactly what caused the allergic reaction was to take it again and see what happens.... Umm no! I remained swollen and weak for about a week after. Although the experience was as awful as it gets, it was a very profound moment I am grateful for in hindsight. It was the day I vowed to stop taking medications and heal myself naturally.

I have come to the realization that while the medical field has made phenomenal strides and that medical practitioners are very incredible, caring people in general, they really have no idea what they’re doing. They either want to prescribe you a drug or operate. Their prognosis is always a generalization or a GUESS based on symptoms. At the end of the day, they’re backed by pharmaceutical companies so they rarely teach patients about important things like nutrition or natural and safer healing remedies. After all, sick people mean more business for them. So while I would still turn to them for a general physical each year or for severe illnesses and emergencies, I decided to avoid medications as much as possible. The antibiotics I had been prescribed nonstop had not only become ineffective due to my body developing immunity to them, but were also destroying my immune system overall. Not to mention they almost killed me. When I think of all the antibiotics I’ve taken over the years for every single little thing, it’s no wonder my body is fed up and has developed a drug allergy.

Our bodies are ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. They are constantly healing themselves on their own every second. However, when they do need a little extra help, there are so many natural remedies and cures we can use which complement our bodies’ functions just as nature intended, rather than invading them. Your body gives you messages and tries to tell you what it needs, and nature provides. Chinese medicine has been super effective for many centuries by using herbs to heal ailments, and the people are some of the healthiest on the planet who live the longest. This is something my mom has been trying to open my eyes to for years, and I finally started listening. Now it all makes so much sense. We do not always have to turn to chemicals that only lead to more side effects. There is a better way!

So now I have found natural alternatives for just about everything.  Instead of taking Tylenol for every headache, I try to work pressure points, drink lots of water, and other natural methods to ease them that usually help. Instead of taking cold medicine, I drink hot Echinacea tea with lemon and honey, which usually works like a charm when I feel a cold coming on. Ginger eases stomach aches. Essential oils with orange can provide energy, instead of the terrible Adderall I once took to get me more focused. And so on and so on. In general, I have been much healthier now that I resist the urge to see a doctor and take drugs for everything. It is actually pretty ironic that seeing the people who are supposed to heal me made me more sick. Since this incident, I only got 2 colds in 2014, only one of which led to bronchitis, which was a huge improvement. I researched natural methods to treat bronchitis, such as oregano, which seemed to make a difference. Also, since I moved to Hawaii, I no longer have allergies and have not had a cold or bronchitis. Not sure if it’s due to the environment or a healthier lifestyle that strengthened my immune system. But it’s such life-changing breakthrough to learn all of this and now feel healthier in general.

2)      Dairy – I grew up drinking lots and lots of milk. I never had any issues with lactose intolerance until recently. So I was in denial since this was never an issue before. How could it just start out of nowhere in my mid/late 20’s? Well… it happens. And it did to me. It became so evident that the pain and discomfort I felt after consuming ice cream or cheese was no coincidence. And while I absolutely adore these things (especially cheese! Oh, cheese!) I simply had to begin giving them up slowly but surely. My friend suggested that I take "lactaid" to assist so I can eat these things, but why would I want to take an unnatural pill just to eat an item that I know I shouldn't be eating anyway?

I’ve done a lot of reading on the Paleo diet craze, and the theory on dairy truly make sense to me. Our bodies are not meant to process the milk of another animal. We are made to drink our mother’s milk as an infant, and then that’s it! Why would we drink a cow’s milk or consume products from this? Just for calcium, which we can get so many other ways? This has undoubtedly led to so many of the healthy issues that Americans face. And for me, it always has my stomach in total knots.

I gave up milk a long time ago and replaced it with almond milk, which is delicious. But that wasn’t enough. So I finally admitted my lactose intolerance not too long ago. It’s been hard to give up cheese, so I’m still working on that little by little. But I try to avoid everything else. The one thing that is still okay for me is Greek yogurt. However, other than that, dairy is something my body won’t miss at all. Not surprisingly, I now rarely have the stomach issues that I used to have regularly. 

3)      Coffee – I know coffee itself is not bad for us, but what bothers me is the caffeine dependency it creates. I know people who literally act like they’re dying if they don’t get their fix. I never wanted to be like that or depend on anything, but eventually that’s exactly what happened to me. As a result of terrible sleep habits, I came to rely on my morning cup of joe. Not just for the caffeine, since eventually you become immune to that, but also just for the comforting ritual that going to get coffee and drinking it had become to me. I have replaced this with tea, which is MUCH healthier and has so many benefits, and I can tell what a difference this has made for me. I don’t even need to add milk, cream, sweetener, or anything into my tea. I have come to appreciate the flavor of the tea itself and savor it just as I did with my coffee ritual. Green tea is especially amazing for health and antioxidants, so I try to have 2-3 cups a day. I’ve actually become quite the tea connoisseur, trying and buying all kinds of delicious and satisfying organic teas. Definitely a victory!

4)      Television – I grew up watching lots of TV and it wasn’t until a later age that I realized how unhealthy this habit is for us. Not only does it mean you’re sedentary as you sit on the couch or in bed watching the blue flickering light, but it is also not good for your brain. There is no challenge for us in mindlessly watching TV, not to mention that much of the content is simply garbage anyway. It is mind boggling to me how many hours a day that the average American WASTES watching TV. I mean, everyone is entitled to watch and enjoy a few shows. Of course. But when that is the highlight of your day and the majority of your day, then it’s a problem. For the past few years, I have been too busy to watch loads of TV, but that is just one reason I have greatly reduced the amount I allow myself. I follow a few shows, like the irresistible Scandal series, but in general try to spend my time doing other things, especially reading. This is MUCH better for our minds anyway. Since I moved to Hawaii, I actually never even got cable. I only get the basic channels, and I only really watch the news, which is truthfully more listening to as I get ready in the morning than watching. However, since I have finished grad school and missed out on so many epic shows people raved about, I have indulged in the luxury of catching up on some series like Reign, Walking Dead and Mad Men on Netflix. But I definitely limit it and also balance it out with reading some good books. And most important, I realize that it IS a luxury and a reward, not a part of my daily routine and a favorite hobby.

5)      Juice/Sodas – Like many, I grew up drinking sugary sodas and juices. In fact, I recall a point in my teenage years where I was absolutely addicted to diet soda. I would wake up every morning and the first thing I drank was a can of Diet Coke. UGH! Eventually, I stopped that nonsense and replaced it with water. I’m at the point now where I drink NOTHING but water and tea. If I do have juice during a juicing cleanse, I make sure it’s 100% juice. I still crave diet soda and once in a blue moon I’ll give in and really treat myself (more like a trick than a treat honestly) but I am very happy to have made this drastic change. Another bad thing I drank was alcohol, which I haven't had for a couple months now. I can't say I'll give this up permanently, because I'm always going to enjoy some wine here or there, but I'm glad I don't drink as often as I used to. Water is all I need! It's SO very critical to our bodies in countless ways. I drink tons and tons, and can never get enough. I can’t even put into words how much better I feel. My skin has cleared up as an added benefit too.

6)      Sulfate Shampoos – I have never been too conscious of the stuff I put in my hair, until I realized how important your hair is and why we should keep it healthy. This seemingly petty switch from regular shampoos to sulfate-free shampoos has made a huge difference for my hair. Not only does it feel and look better with more shine, but it grows faster too. Again, any unnecessary chemical can and should be eliminated when possible.

7)      Foundation – Like many girls, I globbed foundation on my face for years, not realizing that this was only covering up an issue I was making worse. I don’t know about you, but my pores need to breathe! So now I am a lot more conscious about what I put on my face. If I do need coverage, I use mineral powders. And I apply sunscreen in the form of a BB cream (which has so many great benefits) daily to protect my skin, instead of just covering it with foundation. This is another petty improvement, but has made a big difference.

8)      Processed Foods – We are all guilty of buying, eating and loving JUNK. But for endless reasons that are way too obvious, we all know better! I remember reading something about grocery shopping that stated all you need is in the outer aisles of the stores, i.e. produce and protein. Again, this is a paleo concept but it makes so much sense. I decided I just will not keep this crap in my house so I don’t have access to it. Instead, I will shop more often to get fresh and whole ingredients. Since I stopped shopping in the middle aisles of the grocery store where all the junk and processed crap are, it’s so much easier to eat better. There is no temptation with chips and cookies, or processed junk sitting in my pantry. I will sometimes get things from those dreaded center aisles, such as salad dressing or crackers, but I at least try to buy organic so I know there is a far less chance of getting those horrible ingredients and chemicals I don’t need or want.

9)      GMOs and Pesticides – Disclaimer: I am not 100% organic, YET. But I damn sure try. This deserves its own entire blog post, so I won’t even get into the benefits of going organic, but I cannot urge people enough to look into this. I have spent so much time researching this, reading books on it and watching documentaries. So even though the price of organic food is much higher, the benefits totally offset it. I would say I’m about 90% organic with my shopping now, but the problem has been eating out, something I love to do but unfortunately do not find a lot of organic options. So this is a work in progress. However, buying organic whenever I can has reduced the amount of Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) and harmful pesticides that I’m exposed to.

10)   Stress – In my opinion, this is the single most harmful and dangerous thing for people, and has led to more illnesses than diet and lack of exercise. Negative energy and thoughts that you harbor can poison your cells, and will only attract more negativity into your life. Long before I moved to Hawaii, I begun a transformation in which I stopped letting things get to me or caring about the opinions of others. Of course, some stress is inevitable, such as what I experienced from school, work or family drama. However, I learned to eliminate stress as much as possible and to deal with it in positive ways, such as writing in a journal, exercising, meditating, praying, venting to friends, or any other way where I can positively release the stress instead of holding onto it or dwelling on it. I realized each and every thing we go through will inevitably pass so there is no reason whatsoever to stress on it. A high pressure job can get you worked up, but you must learn to go home and truly let it go. Money worries only bring more money problems, so they’re pointless. Being consumed with pleasing others and what they may think about you is backwards, as you should be living for you and do not need to please or impress any other soul on this planet. Once I began reading more spiritual books about energy and the law of attraction, I realized that stress was the most detrimental thing I was doing to myself and stopped it immediately. I spend as much time as I can doing things I enjoy, which leads to a fulfilling life where stresses are minimal and even when they do come up, they don’t last long. If I am in fact experieincing stress, I am able to acknowledge it and find ways to appease myself or reason with myself as to why the thing I’m stressed over doesn’t even matter. It works every time. This would be my best recommendation for everyone and most important takeaway from all the things I’ve given up and all the healthy changes I have made in my life.

Hawaii Highs and Lows

Since I moved to paradise months ago, lots of people back home want to know all about what it’s like living here. While Hawaii is the 50^thstate, it’s truly very different than any other state and has a very unique history and culture. At times, it’s pretty easy to actually forget you’re actually in America. So I can definitely understand why everyone is so fascinated at the idea of living in a place like Hawaii and why they want to hear all the details. For the most part, I enjoy telling everyone about the amazing things I love about living on the island of Oahu. It truly has been a dream come true in so many ways, and I still have to pinch myself! However, sometimes people are quite surprised to hear that paradise actually isn’t always just sunshine and rainbows. Nothing in life is perfect, and life is all about balance. There are some downsides too, which cause some people to actually not like living here. It's just not for everyone. Learning all the pros and cons firsthand has been pretty interesting, so here’s my list of both:

Highs:

-          The weather. It really is just as glorious as they say it is. Almost every day is picture perfect. The weather typically ranges in the 80's year round, and even when it’s hottest in summer months, there’s rarely that muggy humidity which makes you feel gross. It's usually always sunny and gorgeous. It may rain a bit, but usually the clouds move fast and it usually passes before you realize it. Every few months it rains for days at a time, and then afterwards everything is so green and lush! Oddly enough, even when it’s cloudy or rainy for most of the day, it’s still breathtaking! 

-          There is so much to see and do. I personally feel like I could never run out of things to do. From world class beaches, water sports, outdoor festivals, hikes, sailing, museums, historical places, art, to the many other adventures the island offers, there is truly something for everyone! We have a bustling city in the downtown areas of Honolulu, or relaxing little beach towns and country areas. There is plenty to explore on every level. A lot of people claim they get "island fever" after living here for a few years, and some locals seem to be bored with it all. But for me, it’s very hard to imagine ever having these problems! This is heaven... Especially for active or adventurous people.

-          The aesthetics of this island absolutely blow my mind. Being surrounded by such beautiful scenery truly lifts my spirits each and every day. Jaw-dropping views are a regular and certain occurrence no matter where you go. You are literally always surrounded by beauty here. I don’t think I could ever get used to this or take it for granted. Because the terrain is elevated by hills -'d mountains of many different slopes, you’re guaranteed to always see some incredible landscape ahead no matter where you are on the island, whether it’s a turquoise ocean horizon or a majestic mountain range. Not to mention the exotic and tropical foliage, flowers, and trees that you don’t even have to be within the vast forests and valleys to experience. I can’t even fully explain it, so it’s just something you have to see for yourself. It’s never short of inspirational!

-          Hawaiian culture itself is just plain dope. I have really enjoyed learning about the history of how so many different people from different parts of the world came to be here and form this utopia of different foods, languages, and customs. Generations of Asian and Latin migrants have settled here and all play an important role in the rich history of their communities here in Hawaii. However, the native Polynesians and their ancient beliefs have fascinated me the most by far. They truly take pride in their heritage, which is a joy for me as I am obsessed with indigenous people, and love being exposed to their culture up close and personal.

-          The cuisine is very different but totally delicious. With such a strong Asian influence, this is a great place for anyone who loves Asian foods like myself. Sushi, Ramen, Korean, Thai, Saimin, and others are local meal staples and found on every corner. Hawaiian food is pretty interesting and delicious too. I haven’t quite joined in with the Spam bandwagon, but I certainly appreciate their affinity for good pork, especially the always delicious Kalua pig!

-          Aloha spirit is truly remarkable and something that everyone could benefit from. In general, people are more nice and friendly. While there are plenty of rude and grumpy people just like anywhere else in the world, most people just seem happier and more relaxed here, and therefore are more pleasant and treat each other with more respect than what I am used to. Total strangers will greet me, smile or spark a conversation, which is a noticeable difference to me from the East Coast.

-          Island life will teach you a thing or two about patience. While Oahu is much faster than the other Hawaiian islands, it’s still very slow compared to the mainland and you really have no choice but to slow down to the local pace as well. After your initial frustration when adjusting to this, you eventually realize how refreshing this is. It’s actually really good for you and your health, as you learn to be more relaxed and feel more peace. You don’t always have to be rushed and stressed. There is absolutely nothing I can do when I’m sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the H-1, so why waste energy being frustrated? Instead, I just turn up the reggae on the radio and daze off into the palm trees. And then suddenly, the traffic doesn’t even matter!

-          While this is a minor factor, I really enjoy the shopping here. Ross and TJ Maxx are the best places and you’ll always find an excellent bargain and plenty of cool stuff here. There are plenty of good stores in the mall, and also cool little boutiques. I'll admit that I was so frightened when I moved here that I wouldn't be able to find all the things I like here, like on the mainland. But I have learned that they have just as much for me, if not more!

-          It definitely doesn’t hurt to have eye candy to look at, and there is no shortage of good-looking, exotic people here in paradise. It’s just an added bonus when you come across a gorgeous 6’6 Samoan with long hair and golden skin. I’m certainly not complaining.

-          I love the fact that having tattoos does not make you stand out here, in fact, it’s the norm!  Everywhere I go, I’m constantly admiring other people’s work and even get compliments on mine. Tattoos are very common and socially acceptable here, especially the gorgeously intricate tribal Polynesian style that many natives get done.

-          The simple fact that I have an endless supply of breathtaking beaches nearby completely fills me with joy. I love being able to go any time I please, even after work. I have established a Sunday ritual of packing up some snacks and books, and lounging at a different beach every week. Just because. I have beach chairs, mats, towels, snorkel gear, and whatever else I may need in my trunk along with a backpack ready to go for whenever the mood may strike. I used to spend every day longing for my next vacation when I could visit a beautiful beach and sunbathe, now I do it regularly. I can’t tell you how much I will always appreciate this! It has done wonders for making me more relaxed and incredibly happy!

-          Being able to tell tourists that you live here and seeing their reactions is priceless! I enjoy it each and every time!

-          Everyone here is fascinating to me. When you live on an island this remote, everyone is either from here, or here for a reason. So with everyone I encounter, I want to hear their story! Unless they ae obviously a Polynesian, I know there is some unique reason of why/how they are here. But even most of the native Hawaiians are mixed with something else at this point. Some Asians have been here for generations, some military are simply stationed here for 2-3 years, and some just moved here because they love it. It’s pretty neat to meet people and listen to their experiences. My perspective is constantly being expanded and enhanced!

-          My never ending tan. Enough said.

-          There are always outdoor festivals and events, which is right up my alley! I love being outside in good weather and being surrounded by lots of people with good vibes, it truly feeds me energy like nothing else. Back home in Maryland, I would try to attend the little that I could find, maybe a few a year. But here on Oahu, there are several every weekend! In fact, it’s often hard to pick which one you want to go to more! From cultural festivals for the many nationalities represented here, to hula dancing, live music, food truck rallies, arts and crafts, you name it. Some of the ones on my calendar have been the ukulele festival, Korea festival, King Kamehameha festival & parade, Lei Day festival, Chinese New Year parade, “Eat the Street” food truck festivals, Food & Music festival, Book Festival, and so much more! Oh and don't even get me started on how reggae is the most popular music genre around here. I loooooooove it and can't get enough!

-          I love the amazing farmer’s markets found everywhere here, and the push to eat local foods. This is not only less expensive for the consumer, but more helpful for the local farmers and the environment. 

-          The travel opportunities on this side of the world have me extremely excited. I plan to see as much as I can in the Pacific region, including other islands, Australia, New Zealand, and as much of Asia as possible!  

-          Though I have visited many tropical islands in my life, Hawaii has some really unique vibes really agree with my spirit. I’ve always heard it’s a very sacred place, and I can see why. You can definitely feel some inexplicable energy here, which many refer to as "mana" or player. It’s truly magical!

Lows:

-          The cost of living. It’s not as bad as people make it out to be for me, but that’s because I make a comfortable salary working for the federal government. For locals, it’s truly unreasonable and unaffordable. Local wages are extremely low and the job market is terrible. Because of this, the local tradition is for large families to live together. It’s also a major factor to the extreme homelessness problem Hawaii faces. It's inevitable that the price of paradise is high due to its remote location, which mean high transportation and importing/exporting fees. Even with a good income, it's been an adjustment for me. I have to be more conscious of my budget, cut back on things I normally splurge on, and life has changed in some ways. While my rent is the same as it was back home, I have about 1/3 of the space I had for the same price, plus a much older place. Utility bills aren’t too bad, and I’ve slightly mitigated the price of gas by getting a wholesale club membership and only buying my gas there. Groceries is where I have seen the most extreme difference. I once found a small watermelon that cost $18, just to give you an idea. I spend anywhere from $80-160 a week on groceries, depending on what I get. It’s also higher because I try to eat organic. It's definitely noticeably higher in general than in Maryland, which already has a pretty high cost of living that I was used to. This is without a doubt the biggest complaint you'll hear from every single person who lives here.

-          The bugs. I have a bad phobia so this probably isn’t so much of an issue for others. But it is simply a part of life when you live in a tropical climate. I have been told by countless people that roaches are inevitable here no matter how clean you are. As someone once told me, "it doesn't mean you're dirty, it means you live in Hawaii." I had many in my apartment when I first moved in, and now I go out of my way to be clean and ensure I don’t get any more. However, the centipedes are something I can NOT get used to. They can be over a foot long, move quickly and aggressively as hell and they bite, which I have heard is extremely painful. I live in total and complete fear of these things, which is exactly why I elected to move to a high rise building. I only really see them when I’m out hiking. I hope and pray I never have to experience getting bit! Don't get me started on scorpions, cane spiders, moths the size of birds, geckos, and in the waters we have box jellyfish, Portuguese man-o-wars, sharp coral, eels, sea urchins, oh yeah and sharks! They pride themselves on not having snakes on the island, but it's still a pretty terrifying and dangerous place in many ways!

-          IT’S WAY TOO CROWDED! There are over 1 million people on this small island, and many times getting around is a pain in the butt! The traffic truly is as awful as people say it is. Not to mention I happen to be here during some major construction projects that make it even worse. You have to leave early to get anywhere, not only because of traffic and delays, but because of the very limited parking everywhere. 

-          The time difference is tough. We are 5-6 hours behind the East Coast (depending on daylight savings) and this makes it very hard to keep in touch with people back at home. By the time I get off work, it’s 9 or 10 PM, so everyone is already getting ready for bed. It’s made me feel quite isolated and it’s so challenging to maintain friendships or keep up with my folks back home (besides Facebook). People don’t really seem to get it either, because they still call me at 3 AM no matter how many times I tell them about the time difference. Also, I can only imagine how awkward football season will be when I’m watching Cowboys games at 7 AM on Sundays.

-          The roads are really bad and they tear my car up! People say you will go through tires pretty quick here and auto work is also very expensive. Not cool!

-          Something I never realized and many people don't know, but the moisture in the air is crazy here since it's such an isolated island. It's really hard to keep your home mold free and your car rusts up quickly. Also, food goes bad like 3x quicker here because of this. Who the heck would have known that would be a downside?

-          The abundance of homeless people on the island is so overwhelming and devastating. They’re literally everywhere and have just become an accepted part of society here. It’s very hard for me to get used to this, as I’ve truly never seen anything like this in my life. There is one area called "tent city" where there are hundreds of homeless tents set up, one after another, all down several streets. Besides this, you'll see them set up on the beach or in random places, even sleeping on the grass or sidewalk in places you'd never expect. It's really sad to see how people live like this and raise children in these conditions, and that it's so common. There is no easy solution to fix this and help these people, and it's so frustrating. 

-          Volcanic fog (aka VOG) from the Big Island nearby is definitely a problem on Oahu for those of us with breathing problems or allergies. I’ve only been really affected by it a couple times, but it can be rough!

-          The ridiculous unexpected costs, like registering my vehicle for $322 every single year)... Ugh!

-          The fact that people think you’re always on vacation. They don’t realize you live here, but also work, pay bills, and have responsibilities here. It’s not just hanging out on the beach every day. Also, everyone wants to come visit, which is great, but it can get overwhelming. You can only take so much time off work for other people, you also need to save some time and money money for your own personal reasons or vacations. I love hosting people but it's definitely tiring each time.

-          Grocery shopping is a pain in the butt, for many reasons. Usually I have to shop at least twice a week and go to several places. Each place you go has difference selections, whereas what I’m used to in Maryland, where you can go to one place and get everything you need. Also, as I mentioned things go bad VERY fast here compared to on the mainland, which I have heard is due to the humidity. So when you buy fruits and vegetables, you end up having to use them within a few days or they’ll go to waste. So you have to make constant trips to the store. I personally hate grocery shopping so this has been quite annoying for me.

Overall, the pros definitely outweigh the cons for me, but it's definitely been such a new experience in so many ways! This has been the opportunity of a lifetime for me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, even with the bugs and the traffic. 

Baltimore Riots

I wrote this post for my Facebook on April 27th, 2015. I will never forget this day. It was the day when the nation watched in horror as the city of Baltimore was rioted and looted due to the outrage over the murder of Freddie Gray at the hands of the Baltimore City Police Department. As many know, I lived, worked, and attended college in Baltimore from ages 16-22 and this had a profound impact on my life. Making friends with, living next door to and regularly interacting with citizens of this very unfortunate city allowed me to understand a new perspective so foreign for me, though only 20-30 miles away from where I grew up. Here I witnessed struggle, racism and oppression up close and personal. So when I saw shit hit the fan on national TV and the people of Baltimore villainized and condemned, I was absolutely crushed. What bothered me the most was the stark differences of what was reported by the media and fed to the masses, versus what people I knew personally were reporting via social media. I was in tears and severely upset, all made worse by the extremely ignorant comments I was hearing from coworkers at work and friends/family via social media. The lack of empathy and the distortion and manipulation tactics used by the media truly just had me fed up. I usually try to stay away from social debates or any political sides, and keep my Facebook pretty squeaky clean. But no. This time and I had to speak out and post my unpopular opinion in the hope of opening even one set of eyes. So I posted some real photos of Baltimore (shocking but the exact sights I drove by all the time as a Baltimore resident) and a passionate rant, as follows…..

Let's not forget that these pictures are what the streets of Baltimore looked like before all these riots. Absolutely devastating and depressing. The exact opposite of what this country is known for and proud of. It's no exaggeration because I personally lived in the midst of it myself for years. Regardless of your opinions, PLEASE just try to imagine being born and raised here, into this kind of struggle that is found to be entertaining to the world via a hit HBO series, yet is still an everyday reality for many citizens of Baltimore. Their politicians have been corrupt for how long? The murder rate has been at the top of the national list for how long? An already failing education system keeps getting cut for how long? The poverty rate has been ridiculous for how long? Boarded up houses have lined countless blocks for how long? Racism from the police force that is supposed to serve & protect them (which I have witnessed firsthand) is common for how long.... ??????????? How the hell are they supposed to succeed??? And how hopeless would YOU feel??? You have to understand that many people from this city have a different mindset because of the environment they've grown up in, one that most of us are fortunate enough that we can't even begin to relate to. The city is pretty much still segregated. Drugs and crime in their neighborhood are a normal part of life. Everyone has experienced some form of racism, and police brutality is just accepted. How is this okay? There is a lot of poverty in the U.S. that we turn a blind eye to but to be quite frank, this city is like no other in our nation, and the rest of the state and country has turned their back on Baltimore. And if you don't agree, then please tell me you would go live on one of these blocks in the pictures above and call that HOME. You wouldn't? Oh. Maybe because it already looked like a warzone or a third world country to begin with. Well imagine having no choice because that's where you grew up. Maybe now you can understand why some people are not behaving rationally, because they've never even been given a fair chance. I'm just trying to find a way to paint this picture clear for you.

Now let me make this clear, I don't condone violence, nor do I agree with harming innocent people or destroying communities at all! I believe it's gone too far, and will only accomplish more harm than good. But instead of condemning, I choose to at least try to understand their perspective on why they're outraged. The statistics are astounding. The odds are just not in the favor of black men, and there's no denying it. The black community was already systemically designed to fail, and yet has come a long way and seen so much progress, only to be totally discouraged every time one of their own is unjustly slaughtered at the hands of those they're supposed to trust the most. So yes, people of all races across the nation are getting fed up by seeing black men killed by law enforcement as a regular occurrence, and rightfully so. This boiling point was inevitable regardless of the very sad Freddie Gray situation. When it happens in Baltimore, a city that's already facing more than its share of problems and whose system has truly failed its people in EVERY WAY, yes you can expect things to get out of hand. People are lashing out because their voice is not taken seriously, so yes it got out of control... But don't let the media blind you to only acknowledge the unfortunate actions of some, when so many more are working peacefully to fight for justice and equality. Because believe me there is just as much evidence that tens of thousands are doing things the right way and trying to make a difference. But that never gets the same media attention, so it never gets them very far, does it? Sadly it never even gets much attention until things get this extreme and violent.

Again, all I'm trying to say is there is so much more to the picture than most of you realize if you've never lived in Baltimore or any other city like it. You say "these people" are destroying their city but it's honestly already been destroyed for years. If you have never had to worry about your child being racially profiled and possibly killed then you have no right to judge people fighting to end what they have to actually live every day. Being a person of mixed race, I have to say that most of us are so unbelievably lucky that we don't get racially profiled, and if we are arrested we WILL get a fair trial as promised by our constitutional rights, unlike some others who never got the chance because they're freaking DEAD. When did we lose value for human life, regardless of race? How can we stand by and let this go on? Some people just don't get it because they will never know how privileged they are or have to experience what it feels like to be discriminated against. The ignorant comments I've seen today on both sides shows me how divided everyone is and will always be, it's heartbreaking. I see both sides and as anyone who knows me knows, I am a huge supporter of our amazing heroes in law enforcement and the military. But I do think plenty who are granted power abuse it and that we need to stand up to this more often to make it right! This country was founded upon a spirit of revolution for basic freedoms and rights, and our system is supposed to be one of democracy and justice. In fact, rioting for these values is what actually led to this country's formation in the first place. So at this point if you still can't acknowledge that it's time for change then you're part of the problem. Anyone who can see right for wrong should be able to get this and empathize. I have friends of all races and ethnicities who fight passionately to spread this and open people's eyes, and I usually try to stay out of it. But this time, I had to open my mouth so excuse the long rant. As this quote I read today so beautifully summarizes it, "People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character." All I want you to think about is, if it were happening to you how would you feel?

My Gripe with Crappy Movies in 2015

This is one of my pettiest rants of all time, but it has to be done. I need to get this off my chest! 

What ever happened to good movies? You know, the kind that were REALLY entertaining, thought provoking or even life changing? These days, I feel so inundated with mediocrity, and movies are no exception. Seems they'll release any pile of crap they can throw together and the kicker is that people will not only go see them, but actually enjoy them! What am I missing here? It's hard to believe that I'm the only one who is bothered by this as of late.

Allow me to elaborate on my frustration. During the last few years, I've missed out on countless movies due to spending the majority of my time engrossed in my career or in my educational pursuits. Going to the movies, popcorn and all, is something I've missed. So now that I have more free time, I've become determined to dedicate more time to one of my favorite pastimes. For the last three weeks in a row, a friend and I made it a habit to go to the movies every Friday evening. Just painting you a picture so you can imagine my excitement and expectations.

The first movie we saw was San Andreas, with Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson. Probably one of the worst movies I've ever wasted two hours of my life on. The film was full of completely unrealistic/impossible scenarios and cliche overkill, such as the famous "What do we do now? We rebuild!" line after total and utter devastation to the entire state of California. Whenever a character miraculously survives an extreme disaster and yet still has a fresh face of make up on, I for one am very freaking annoyed. I feel like they don't even try to make this stuff even slightly believable anymore. Ugh.

The next week, we saw Jurassic World after hear mixed reviews. I was so disappointed. Yes, special effects were good in this (as well as in San Andreas) but that is not enough to wow me, especially when the main character is running from a T-Rex for hours in heels and a white blouse. The kicker? They pulled the exact same "What do we do now?" line in this one too! There's only so much over the top ridiculousness I can take. Upon discussing at work the next Monday, my coworkers loved the movie and brought up a good point. Why would anyone expect anything less than these exaggerations and this total predictability in Hollywood blockbusters these days? Especially one about dinosaurs. I guess I can understand that perspective, but come on. I remember when movies wowed you. I remember when movies were so original that you never knew what would happen next or how the movie would end. I remember movies that made a significant impact on me! And THAT is what I miss.

So do you know what I did? I went home and popped in my DVD of the original Jurassic Park, a movie I have fond memories of from many views as a child. And I enjoyed it even more than the over-produced 2015 crap I just saw hours before. Are the special effects amazing like they are now? No. But even with a concept like killer dinosaurs, the movie was  exciting, relatable, and absolutely earns its title as a classic. I probably should never set my expectations as high, but I can't help it. I know that remakes and sequels usually disappoint, but this is just one example of how the QUALITY of Hollywood releases in general has went downhill.

However, we were pleasantly surprised the last week when we went to see the movie, Dope. It was a unique concept, very well done, and totally entertaining from start to finish. The film followed a high school outcast and his two friends in the rough streets of Inglewood, California as they go from geeks obsessed with the 90's and regularly bullied at school; to cool kids who are in the wrong place at the wrong time and suddenly get forced into selling drugs. Except, in true nerd fashion, they opt to push and market their products via the online black market trade. Throughout it all, the main character never gives up his aspirations to attain a scholarship at an Ivy League school. So this was not just your typical urban drama or teen flick. At the end of the movie, the social message was clear and it was a very good one: whether you're a black kid from the streets of Compton or a white kid with rich parents, every child deserves a chance in life. No one should be limited to their environment. Following your dreams is more important than following the crowd. The movie was completely authentic, unpredictable, clever, and truly refreshing. Exactly the kind of movie I miss. 

America's fascination with the big screen is a century old obsession, but in my opinion the industry will never be the same as it used to be back when movies had substance, originality, authenticity, and innovation. Once in a while, you'll see a film like Dope that stimulates you the entire time and moves you. Even more seldom, you may encounter a film that becomes a classic, like some of my favs, the the Godfather and Pulp Fiction. But the decades where Hollywood pumped out one great film after another are over. These days Americans find reality TV entertaining, so it's no wonder their standards for movies have sunk just as low. All I'm saying is that I'm tired of the crap that our society accepts as the norm, yet haven quite given up on hope. But for now, I'll mostly stick to my books, which never seem to disappoint.