Life Lessons Learned from Kayaking

Since I moved to Hawaii, I have really pushed myself out of my comfort zone and tried to be more adventurous. It’s so crucial to make the most of my time here and enjoy all the amazing activities the island has to offer. In general, I absolutely love it! I’ve become a fan of snorkeling and hiking, and tried stand up paddle boarding, swimming with dolphins, riding a submarine, and even got into a shark cage. The time finally came to try kayaking, something I had been so excited to explore as it’s a huge local favorite. A friend of mine from work had some extra kayaks and luckily they’re the kind you pedal with your legs rather than paddle with your arms, making it much easier to operate. One of the most talked about things to do here is to kayak out to the sandbars in Kaneohe Bay, off the East Coast of Oahu. So we finally made plans to make this happen, and it all went down this past Saturday.

At first it’s a little weird learning to balance and not topple over, but me and my friend did well for our first time and were really enjoying it. So we pedaled out to the first sandbar, which took over an hour since we were going against the current and the winds. It was a lot farther than we ever imagined it would be when seeing it from land. When we finally got there, we were so delighted. It was gorgeous! I had a waterproof box I had bought just for this occasion, and in it were my phone and small wallet. I took out my phone to take pics of the beautiful scenery and of course some selfies. As I reached back over to put the phone back in the box, I leaned over just a bit too much while a bigger wave hit me and my kayak capsized, flipping upside down and knocking me, my phone and wallet into the ocean at about 20-30 feet deep.

At first, I kind of panicked because I was trapped under the kayak and had my life vest on so I couldn’t swim under to get out. After a few moments, I was able to escape. I was hoping and praying I had closed the box just in time to save my stuff, but the kayak was too heavy to flip back over to check. Finally, some guy in small sailboat came over to help me flip it back around and of course everything was gone, including my snorkel gear set which was bungeed down to the kayak, so that surprised me and just added insult to injury. I remember frantically swimming around trying to see if I could find anything floating on the surface, but the current was so strong and it was wearing me out. My friend who was still upright in her kayak was moving around and looking, but couldn’t find anything either. I was just trying not to imagine the sharks I’ve heard about in this area. Finally my other friend came to rescue me and pull me into the sandbar.

I was devastated, not because I flipped over because thank god I was okay and all that happened to me is I got wet and exhausted. But because I felt so defeated since I just lost my entire life, both my wallet with my state ID, Maryland driver’s license, and military ID, as well as my bank card, credit cards, and all my gift cards. To make matters worse I scraped the hell out of my foot on some sharp coral and then got the worst sunburn I’ve ever had on my face, I guess due to my sunscreen washing off and the sun being so much stronger where we were. But like everyone kept reminding me, it could have been a lot worse. Some people pass out from things like this, which could have led to drowning. It literally happens all the time on the news here with hikers and swimmers dying from freak accidents. So I felt really thankful.

I will admit this had me pretty depressed at first. I spent the last few days getting new IDs, cancelling cards, and getting my life back in order. However, I met with my friend and life coach yesterday, and she reminded me that everything happens for a reason, and asked me to list the lessons I had learned from this unfortunate incident. It made me realize a lot so I’d like to share the four main things I actually gained from what originally appeared to be such a great loss.

1)     I have some amazing friends. It’s easy to feel kind of isolated and lonely at times when you’re so far away from home. But on this day, the 5 people I was with were so good to me and had my back. One friend bought me dinner afterwards, and the other loaned me cash and ordered me a new phone. Plus they were all very concerned and comforting. I can't imagine how much worse this would have went if I was not surrounded by great people willing to help, so I am truly grateful.

2)     Material things can be replaced. Yes, it cost me $175 to replace my phone, $50 to order a new snorkel set, plus the cost of all the gift cards I’ll never be able to replace. But that monetary value plus the effort it took to get everything replaced does not compare even slightly to the value of my life and safety. Life moved on and everything is back in order. I beat myself up over this since I have never, ever lost my wallet or phone before. But what seemed initially like my world had ended actually wasn’t even that big of a deal in retrospect.

3)     Life without my phone for the past three days has actually been quite liberating. It’s made me realize just how glued to my phone and addicted I really am, and that living in the moment is so much more important. I’ve been more productive, slept better, and have spent time cleaning, watching movies, reading, and resting. Being connected to the world via smartphones is SO distracting and I never truly understood how much until now.

4)     I should have never had those items with me to begin with. While I thought I was being smart by not leaving my valuables in the car, it was actually a mistake in hindsight. Yes, the pictures probably would have been gorgeous and made great memories, but do I really need to always capture every moment? Aside from posting pics on social media, I am a very sentimental person and I love to look back on old pics and reminisce on old memories later on. But honestly, being present and enjoying the experience is all that really matters.

The reason I wanted to post this is because it is proof that you really can see the positive in any situation. Something that seems like it couldn’t be worse can always teach you many lessons. This is an awesome example that I will never forget. And guess what? I would (and will) do it again! Besides this unfortunate circumstance, kayaking was a great time and a lot of fun. Next time will be a totally different and a better experience with these positive lessons learned!

XOXO ❤️

"Business for the Soul" Retreat

This past weekend (Aug 8-9, 2015) I attended a women’s retreat called “Business for the Soul”. It was organized by a new friend of mine, who is an amazing healer and a very positive, conscious person. She is also the President of the Honolulu Chapter of Femfessionals, a networking community for women.  So when she invited me to join, I was very honored and excited, especially because they were about to have their first ever retreat. A weekend full of business advice, motivational speakers, yoga, and food? Yeah! Count me in!

The event was held at the Lotus Hotel in Waikiki. Among a beautiful set up in the banquet room, about 20 women, both professionals and entrepreneurs, gathered for a day of enjoyment. We began with a light breakfast and lots of yummy tea and lemonade from one of the sponsors, Ulu’s Lemonade. After a welcome introduction, our fantastic speakers began their presentations, with topics as such as self-love and time management. Between speeches, we practiced yoga stretches and breathing techniques. We broke out into groups or worked with partners to complete several exercises which were really helpful for me, such as creating affirmations and writing our values and goals in order to construct a personal mission statement. So we got to interact with each other a lot and get to know each other, especially during our delicious lunch. We also got to do some group hypnosis to reinforce some positive affirmations and build confidence. Finally, at the end we all headed up to the penthouse suite that was rented out for us. We enjoyed some Absolute Vodka, another sponsor, dinner and cake, as well as spectacular views from the wrap-around lanai. It was a great way to bond and exchange many laughs.  

On the second day, we did an hour of yoga and heard a really powerful presentation from a member who has a non-profit that speaks out against domestic violence. Her testimony had many of us in tears, and her message was very moving. After a weekend of uplifting material, it was kind of a downer but still so important for us to discuss. She mentioned finding the positive and the lesson in every situation, and had us write down 10 things we appreciate about someone who we don’t like or who drives us crazy. This was pretty powerful, as it proves how you can always focus on the positive and forgive. During lunch, we began reflecting on the weekend and the connection we all established with each other. Then we all went around sharing our favorite inspirational quotes. Finally, each of us won at least one prize as our names were picked for different raffles. In a way, we are all kind of sad when it was ending but we all exchanged info and chatted a bit.

A day later, I am still in awe of what an incredible event this turned out to be. The positive energy was just SO strong! And it is still resonating with me even on the next day. The best part was that literally every single woman there was amazing and genuine. Most were local Hawaiians but even those of us from the mainland fit in and were welcomed with aloha. Everyone was supporting, accepting and encouraging each other, and all open to ways to improve ourselves and our businesses or careers. Each of us was able to share from the heart without any fear of judgment. I feel we all developed a great bond and really will keep in touch and get together every so often too. I left there feeling so good about the awesome new friends I made. It’s so important to be surrounded by an uplifting circle, and this is just what I was hoping and praying for.

Another huge takeaway was that I got so many great ideas for my future business and other endeavors. I feel that I have reached a crossroads in life, and as I embrace my true authentic self, I am more drawn to my creative and entrepreneurial sides than ever. I’ve always known that someday I wanted to start a business, and over the last several months I have been torn with trying to determine which direction I want to go in so I can begin putting a plan into place. The problem is I have so many passions, so it’s hard to narrow it down. However, this retreat brought me so much clarity and I finally had an a-ha moment about what I want to do. I could not be more excited.

Honestly, this was one of the most life changing weekends of my life and I am so glad I invested in myself by attending. I consider myself so blessed to have found this group and to have been a part of this unforgettable experience, so I just had to share. I’ve already had a friend all the way in New York messaging me about wanting to join a similar community in her area. It is so important not only for me but for all women to come together and stick together. While I have become more of a loner over the years, I still know how important sisterhood is for those trying to grow professionally, personally and spiritually. Not only do women in these kinds of networks look out for each other in the business world by promoting each other’s businesses, trading services, sharing ideas, and expanding networks, but we all prosper from our collective success and empowerment. Aside from the personal benefits I have discussed, I have no doubt that the legacy of this retreat will be absolutely remarkable with what all of us will go out to accomplish! And for anyone reading, I highly encourage you to attend a similar event or workshop when you get the opportunity to!

IDK About You, But #BlackLivesMatter to Me!

I have to go ahead and admit that I am completely fed up. Absolutely sick and tired. Every single day as I scroll through my Facebook feed, I am overwhelmed by the inundation of videos capturing racism and police brutality. Over the last few years, I have simply lost count of all the victims that lost their lives or were unjustly abused. I’m totally livid about it. AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO.

The murder of Freddie Gray which sparked the Baltimore riots earlier in the year hit home for me, although each and every case never ceases to disgust me. Everything from the undeniably innocent Eric Garner being choked to death in NYC to the teenage girl getting manhandled in the Texas pool party incident. However, the recent death of Sandra Bland particularly bothered me. I’m sure this case needs no introduction so I will not even get into the facts. I truly do not believe she committed suicide, but I know the chances of more evidence being released to prove this is highly unlikely. Regardless of the sad outcome, there is NO doubt that she should not have been arrested in the first place. Even if it was a suicide, which is highly unlikely, it could have been avoided. No one should get verbally abused, physically assaulted, and arrested for a simple traffic violation. Did she have an attitude? Sure. I would have too, and many do when dealing with asshole cops or getting pulled over for nonsense. But guess what? Having an attitude is NOT against the law or any cause for arrest!

What I’m most mad over is how so many people can deny what is blatant and justify unacceptable behavior by police or the prevalence of racism in our society. I am left with so many questions. Where is the outrage?! How come everyone glossed over the slaying of nine innocent people at the historic AME church in Charleston?! How come there was no media coverage for the many other churches burned down afterwards, and the disgusting display of hatred and prejudice by people defending the Confederate flag?! Why have so many reports of people dying in their jail cells emerged since Sandra Bland’s death?! How come police are still using excessive force for minor infractions and how many more were NOT captured on camera?! How come American citizens aren’t angry over basic human rights being violated?! Why are we dealing with this in 2015?!

One video I saw today truly amazed me. An Australian guy witnessed police murder someone, then heard them proudly admit it, and he was absolutely stunned. He questioned why they couldn’t use mace or a taser instead of shooting them dead. Another good question! Even if someone is a criminal, they don’t deserve to die or be beaten mercilessly. They have constitutional rights to a fair trial like anyone else, which won’t happen when they’re dead! It’s so astounding that people don’t even seem to value human life anymore. We’re so desensitized that when another mass murder or police killing happens, we don’t even care. It’s apparent to me that we’re taking huge step backwards in the U.S. Other countries are watching and they’re horrified with how we treat our own citizens. No other advanced nation has such a high percentage of its citizens incarcerated, or has video proof of corrupt and racist police yet do nothing.

I guess the reason so many people don’t care is because they feel it doesn’t affect them, which is wrong. Your privilege will NOT save you every time. In one video I saw the other day, a white woman was severely beaten up by police for talking on her cell phone while driving. Though it’s usually racially motivated, it’s getting to the point where anyone can be a victim. Should we all fear for our lives when we get pulled over or interact with the police? God forbid you say the wrong thing. You could end up as the next hashtag.

Oh and please understand one thing. I have the highest respect for law enforcement.  I know that a majority of them are good people who truly do risk their lives to serve their communities. However, there’s just way too many that are power hungry and sadistic, and we’re not doing enough about it. These people are required to take an oath to serve and protect every single one of us, not to beat us, murder us, and violate our rights. It’s just now starting to be more visible due to cell phone cameras and social media, but this has been going on for far too long. Killing someone should always be the last resort. That is just undebatable. It’s just really gone too far and become too common and almost expected. Who do you call on the police when THEY break the law? Who is going to police the police??? Pretty scary when you think about it.

It makes my blood boil that people care more about the fucking Kardashians than countless innocent lives being lost right here in our backyards. The media certainly doesn’t help with distracting people from what’s important. Yes, I was sad over Cecil the lion too, but it blew my mind how people seemed more upset about that than they’ve ever been over black people dying. Even worse is how I see people leaving ignorant comments or saying "they need to get over it" which only illustrates how divided we are. I have to reason with myself that some just don’t get it and never will. It’s painful to witness a time like this and to feel so helpless. I guess most people who don’t have to deal with racial profiling or worrying if their family member will die in the street will just never understand.

What's worse than racism being denied is that it's still not even fully understood by so many. We’ve advanced in so many areas, yet just don’t seem to want to acknowledge the facts. I guess the truth hurts.

Here is what people seem to miss when it comes to racism. It’s NOT just about the millions of people murdered and mistreated over the centuries, although that should be enough. But what’s just as bad is the exploitation of an entire race that still benefits the very people who deny this to this day. The white man would not be what he is today without the genocide of Natives and the enslavement of Africans, who were not only physically building this country into what it became, but whose labor (i.e. cotton and tobacco plantations) became the backbone of the American economy. This allowed generations of whites to prosper and generate wealth to bequeath to their heirs, including those who have white privilege today. They would not be who they are or have what they have without the pain, suffering, murder, and robbery that their ancestors took part in and directly profited from. All while the African American community has only been given basic rights in recent history, and yet STILL is not even treated according to those rights. Their communities were designed to fail, while the blood of their ancestors has lifted up the communities of their oppressors. 

Now African Americans face unbelievably grave figures when it comes to the likelihood of them being racially profiled, arrested, and sentenced to longer jail time compared to any other race in the U.S. I actually took a class on this in undergrad that absolutely changed my life and open my eyes to some very alarming info. Believe me I could go on and on when it comes to this subject, but I'll attempt to keep it brief. Basically, 1 in every 3 black males will go to prison in their lifetime, mostly for petty crimes that whites get a slap on the wrist for (if that). Yet statistics show they're not the leading race in committing crimes, they're just the ones who are more frequently caught and prosecuted. This is a direct result of police being trained to target and stereotype. So the ending of the age of slavery did NOT mean freedom, it simply created the beginning of the age of incarceration. Black people in this country went from slaves to prisoners. I consider this a new form of slavery. It pains my heart, but it’s reality.

While I know many people who feel so passionately about this issue and want to make a difference, sometimes I wonder if the damage is done and if it’s too late. How do we fix systemic racism at this point? There are a lot of things wrong with the world today and American society in particular. Greed, corporate and political corruption, environmental irresponsibility, the poisoning of our citizens via GMOs and food/pharmaceutical companies, inequality, and of course racism. However, I think the attitude that each of us has no power in this is what got us here. We should all stay informed at the very least. It’s more critical now than ever to take an active approach on spreading awareness, protesting when needed, and using our rights to vote and be heard. For those that turn a blind eye and focus all their energy on other trivial things like the Meek vs Drake beef, instead of important things that actually matter, you’re just as bad as the oppressor. History is bound to repeat itself if we ignore it, and that’s exactly what I see happening now. A little blog post like this may not be much, but hey if me ranting and sharing my opinion has expanded even just one person’s view, then my mission is accomplished. Now is the time to keep these discussions and dialogues going, even if just so the lives lost will not be in vain. Let’s make their lives matter.  

XOXO ❤️