Warm and fuzzy post of the day

I received this beautiful e-mail from a close friend today, and it touched me so much that I just had to share:

By the way, if I haven't told you yet today I AM SO PROUD!!! You just don't know! I remember the first time I met you. If you would've told me that day that you would put yourself through school and get a gorgeous apt and would get a high security clearance job I'd never have believed it! OMG. You even persevered through every road block when you had to keep moving from one place to another. You didn't let anyone or anything keep you from pushing forward with your goals. Girl I am so amazed by you! You can absolutely do anything at all. There are no limits. You know what else? I'm so happy that we've gotten to know each other these past three years and that I got to watch you climb this ladder. It really does inspire me to keep working towards my own goals even when I'm physically & mentally drained sometimes. I feel empowered just watching you. I hope you are proud of yourself. I really hope you are.

I must say that I am a very fortunate person and I thank God for my blessings every chance I get. I attribute this lifestyle of gratitude as what continues and maximizes my blessings.

By far, one of my greatest blessings is that I am surrounded by such amazingly supportive and caring people. This e-mail is a perfect example. People who truly know me know what kind of struggle I have overcome over the years to accomplish my goals. So it means everything to hear them recognize my progress, and that it can also motivate them. Making my loved ones proud of my achievements and perseverance brings me so much overwhelming joy. I am living proof that hard work pays off and dreams come true, as corny as that sounds. But I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t been surrounded by so much unconditional love and support.

My challenge to anyone reading this is to aim to be more supportive and compassionate to others each day. Sometimes something as simple as telling someone that you see them working hard means everything and can give them inspiration to work harder. Sometimes it could be telling them that they’re a great friend and you admire their courage, or cheering them on when they’ve lost weight or done good in school. Every little compliment or encouraging comment makes a difference and can empower others to do great things. Even if you just brighten someone’s day with a smile, then you have made a difference. So reach out to someone and show them some support today, whether it’s a friend, family member or even a total stranger. You just never know how much of an impact a little kindness may have on them. ♥

Let's talk about AGING

So I know most women do not like to talk about this but I think we really need to more often. Especially young women like myself who are more than able to take preventative steps when it comes to aging and prolonging life. I don't know about you but I am definitely trying to stick around for a while. I haven’t made the healthiest choices for many of my 24 years but now I am definitely committed to a healthy lifestyle for the long term. My biggest motivator is that I do not want to have health problems prematurely. I see people not much older than myself with heart problems, diabetes, high cholesterol, and other issues they absolutely should NOT be having. Health is something that is irreversible. What you do to your body today may not affect you immediately but over time, it will turn up eventually.

But the other aspect besides living longer is feeling and looking better. As we age, our metabolism slows down and it is harder to lose weight or correct problems, even cosmetic things such as wrinkles, varicose veins and cellulite. In addition, it’s also harder to make lifestyle changes the older you get because you are already set in your ways. Making changes towards a healthy lifestyle now can help you feel good inside and outside for the long term. Taking care of yourself often falls behind on your list of priorities but truly it should be number one.

Here are some of my tips based on countless discussions with health experts, personal trainers and peers:

1) H20
You would think something as simple as drinking water would be common sense for most, but many are still not getting nearly enough hydration. I cannot stress enough how critical this is to weight maintenance, healthy skin and overall health. In fact, the only thing you should be drinking is water, for the most part. I give myself the exception of a small glass of orange juice in the morning and some green tea, but other than that, I only drink tons of water. It has made a huge difference. Clear skin and supressing my appetite are my favorite benefits, personally. It also just makes me feel cleansed and pure. Adding lemon to your water is a way to include vitamin C and and a little flavor as well.

2) Exercise
I saw a funny little joke the other day where a doctor is asking his patient, “What fits better into your busy schedule? An hour of exercise a day or being dead 24 hours a day?” Sounds dramatic but it’s true. Physical activity is the best way to improve your health in every way possible and extend your life. The benefits are endless and it also helps with aging. Some of the most fit people at my gym (including trainers) are in their 40’s yet look amazingly young and put many of us in our 20’s to shame with the intensity of their workouts. They all indicate their secret was to be active their entire lives. It’s helped them look and feel younger in their 30’s and 40’s. They have made physical activity a regular part of their routines and lifestyles. This should be a top priority regardless of how busy you are. Think of it this way: you spend 8 hours at work, countless hours a week helping others or spending time with friends, family, etc. Why can’t you devote an hour a day to yourself and your health? It definitely helps with energy and stress reduction as well. NO excuses. Even if you miss a day, pick back up the next day.

3) Diet
I am not even going to divulge much into this because it’s self-explanatory. We all know what a healthy diet consists of and we must aim to eat healthy each and every day, as hard as it is. Believe me I love food more than anyone. However I try to eat very healthy on the weekdays so I can indulge a little on the weekends. Eating 6 small meals helps a lot so you're not hungry and also helps your metabolism. I also try to write down every thing I eat and monitor my fat, sodium, sugar, and calorie intake. I find that when you’re conscious of what you put into your body, you make better decisions. After all "you are what you eat" couldn't be any more true. Eating a healthy balance of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein not only helps you maintain a decent weight and supports a healthy heart, but it also will help you feel better altogether for years to come. Be sure to try to eat lots of foods that are rich with antioxidants if anti-aging and cancer prevention are priorities for you.

4) Vitamins
Most of us do not get the essential vitamins and minerals that we need from our diet so taking a supplement is very helpful. I recommend visiting a health store and talking to a professional who can recommend a good multivitamin for you at the bare minimum. I try to stick to this “Hair, Skin and Nails” program from GNC that is loaded with biotin and Vitamins E for anti-aging. But make sure to research vitamins and determine what your specific needs are. Women need more calcium and vitamin B-12. Some may need more iron or vitamin C. Many also recommend taking Omega 3 fish oil. Each person should be taking something regardless. You will feel better overall and also have more energy.

5) Smoking, alcohol and coffee
All bad habits. Okay I admit, I used to smoke. These days it’s viewed as incredibly unattractive, and rightfully so. You are not only killing yourself (literally) but you smell horrible and waste your own money and time. Lose-lose situation. When it comes to alcohol, we all like to drink here and there, especially when celebrating, and that’s fine. In moderation. You don’t want to overdo it or make it a regular habit. Having a few drinks socially on the weekends is okay but drinking specifically to get wasted is not cute over the age of 23. It also ages you a lot. Now coffee is another guilty pleasure of many Americans. It not only stains your teeth but it causes you to become terribly addicted to caffeine. I have seen people lose their minds because they didn’t get their morning cup of joe. I admit to sometimes having a cup here or there if I desperately need a pick-me-up but I try to stay away from it. Instead have some tea (especially green tea) and sweeten it with honey.

6) Sleep
As I’ve gotten older, I have realized the importance of something as simple as sleep. I used to run on E all the time. I worked full-time, went to school-full time and had many late nights partying it up with my friends. It definitely took a toll on me. Not only do your burn yourself out and weaken your immune system, but you are not giving your body proper time to rest and repair itself each night. I noticed when I didn't sleep at least 7 hours each night, I was constantly getting sick and didn't feel 100%. Our bodies are miraculous and amazing. Each cell is working for you to function each day and also fight off illnesses. Getting 8 hours of sleep is critical and affects everything you do. You may not realize it but it even affects your ability to lose weight and impacts your moods. As you age, the wear and tear you’ve put on your body becomes more evident. So always make sure to take the time to get a good night’s rest.

7) Anti-aging creams and skincare regimens
This has become a tremendous industry worldwide as women (and men too!) are more concerned about preventing aging than ever before. I personally feel that a good time to begin applying night creams is in your 20’s so you can prevent wrinkles as long as possible. I also place emphasis on washing your face every night before bed so your skin can breathe and repair while you sleep. Going to bed with makeup on is a huge no-no. No matter how tired I am, I always wipe off my makeup and wash my face thoroughly before bed. I also try to apply eye cream and floss my teeth each night as well and apply facial masks once or twice a week. Exfoliating and moisturizing are essential as well. All of this has made a huge difference with breakouts and my skin looking healthier and more radiant. Because I am out in the sun a lot (another big no-no but I simply cannot give it up) I have to take extra measures when it comes to taking care of my skin. In addition, an old Colombian lady (who had the most beautiful skin I have ever laid eyes on) once told me that each night she massaged her face and neck with cream before bed to stimulate her skin cells, which is brilliant to me. There are a plethora of anti-aging and skincare products to choose from but I do recommend seeing a dermatologist at least once to evaluate your skin and your unique needs. Going to a place like Sephora is great as well so you can talk to someone and get recommendations based on your skin type.

8) Green tea
I have mentioned this a few times so far, for a good reason. I am big on Eastern philosophy and holistic healing these days, so any time I can use natural remedies, I am a fan. Green tea has been proven with numerous studies to be amazing for your health, especially your skin. Supposedly it is packed with antioxidants that help with anti-aging because it is the least processed and most nutrient rich tea available. It is also said to prevent cancer, aid with weight loss by boosting metabolism, protect from sun damage, lower blood pressure, and countless other benefits. Not to mention, it’s delicious. A better question would be why NOT drink green tea?!

9) Meditation
People often forget that your body is not the only thing that ages. Your mind does too. After witnessing my grandma lose her battle with Alzheimer’s disease in 2010, I vowed to make effort to keep my mind active to avoid this for myself if at all possible. I love to read and do puzzles, so that is helpful. However another way is through meditation. You do not have to be a certain religion to meditate, in fact you do not have to be religious at all. Each person’s experience is unique to their own effort but we all reap the benefits regardless. Taking time to sit down in a quiet space, drowning out your busy thoughts and focusing on mediating is not only peaceful and relaxing, but it’s good for you overall. It is my theory that meditation drastically improves your health and extends your life. Oprah recently did an entire show on this and countless celebrities swear by it. I confess that I do not meditate nearly as much as I should but I am trying to improve this in addition to doing more yoga. These simple things can make such a difference long term. I cannot help but notice how healthy many people in Asian countries are and how much longer they live. When my dad went to China, he said the most remarkable thing for him was seeing 90 year old men as active as he was. I definitely think their Hindu and Buddhist beliefs in the East have a lot to do with their better health. It is definitely worth some consideration, no?

10) Minimizing stress
This may seem like another no-brainer but let’s face it, people are way too stressed these days. A personal observation of mine among people I know is that those who tend to stress less and live their lives more easy-going seem to age better and have good health in general. Those who are constantly worrying and stressing over little things tend to look and feel older than they are. All that stress starts to show on your face (frowning lines are no joke) and definitely impacts your body negatively over time. It helps me a lot and I feel so much better after I'm done writing, plus I love to write (can you tell?). Taking time to laugh often, socialize, pursue hobbies, relax, vacation, and just generally be happy and enjoy life is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and by far the best advice on this list. People around the world who live simple lifestyles may not have the most in life but sometimes are among the happiest on earth. Appreciate the little things and show gratitude in all you do. It will go a long way. The best thing for me personally is to keep a journal where I can vent about everything, pray and reflect.

What's the rush?!

I cannot emphasize enough how much I value my personal space. If I’m actually in a relationship, that’s different. I would love to be spoiled with attention and affection all the time. After all, keeping the passion alive is important and also tends to decrease the longer you’ve been together. But even then it’s definitely necessary to have some time apart and give each other a little space. If anything it only makes you closer if you have some time to miss each other.

However, if we’re still in the “dating” phase or just getting to know each other, it really means a lot to me that a guy respects my wish to take things slow. I have been through enough to know that everything is always golden in the beginning and the test of time is really the only way to determine true compatibility and longevity. I am not one of those chicks who moves according to some silly timeline (i.e. we have to wait 3 months to have sex, 5 months to become official, 1 year to move in, etc.) because I feel you have to go with the flow. But I still feel very strongly about taking our time.

And taking our time means getting to know each other very well. I’m talking several dates, deep conversation, experiencing different things together and THEN being able to decide whether or not you want to be in a relationship with that person. Because to me, relationships are very serious. I would not enter into one unless both of us developed feelings, were ready for commitment and had chemistry that was beyond initial excitement or physical attraction. I really do not have time to waste in a meaningless relationship so I’d have to make sure it were something special that was actually going somewhere.

Honestly, I don’t even feel comfortable inviting someone to my home right away, just because you can’t allow everyone to know where you live these days. Again, I have been through enough to know better. And that goes for sexual involvement as well. We have all made exceptions before (including myself) but at this point in my life, I’d have to know someone pretty well and trust them to actually sleep with them. A friend of mine works at a gynecologist office and has me scared to death with paranoia about the STDs out here. You just can’t lay down with anyone or take that risk. And both these things are steps I would want to explore before entering into a relationship, personally. So typically it would be a few months, depending on the situation. See, I feel like people have so many problems in life (failed marriages, baby daddy/mama drama, etc.) because they tend to dash into things without seeing the bigger picture. I understand that everyone makes mistakes and the beauty of life is that you learn from them and grow into a better person. Sometimes you do have to go with your heart. But never JUST your heart. I am just trying to avoid any unnecessary problems or undesirable outcomes if at all possible.

So every time I meet a guy, I make it a point to establish my feelings on this subject on the first date so they are well aware of the pace I’d like to take. Perhaps this is the wrong approach because apparently it is totally counterproductive. Either I am a great catch among a sea of undesirable women, or these guys are just plain insane. I don’t understand how you think you know a person after only going out with them on a few dates. I’m even more puzzled as to why you’d want to lock someone down without knowing them well enough. Countless guys I have encountered want to settle down right away, which boggles my mind because it’s usually the woman that is supposed to want to settle, right? Yet at the same time, I am pretty sure they would go running if a girl indicated that she wanted to settle down right away. How is that for reverse psychology? Instead when a woman states that she is trying to take her time and isn’t sure if she wants a relationship right away, it’s like uttering magical words or something. This drives them crazy. A woman that is a challenge and not automatically attainable. They don’t know how to act.

I have recently experienced this yet again and that is why I am so frustrated and pouring my thoughts out into this blog. I normally do not discuss my love life online because I try to keep super personal things like that to myself. But after taking a long break from the dating world, this one guy was begging me to be his woman within a week of our first date. I am talking about calling insistently and telling me to move my stuff into his house. It honestly turned me off immediately. Again, not even 7 full days had passed. We had great potential too but a man who presents himself as clingy and needy right away is the biggest red flag possible to me. I can’t help but assume they are like this with every woman they meet. Because surely it can’t just be ME that is making them act this way.

I mean… I am not trying to be modest here either. I am well aware that I have a lot going for me and bring a lot of great qualities that any man would love. I am attractive, educated, intelligent, kind and generous; spiritual, have a great career and sense of humor; I am all about cooking and cleaning; and I love football and sex more than many men. Pretty good package, not to toot my own horn. But that still does not mean any man should want to jump into a relationship with me. I have my flaws like everyone else and I would expect a man to want to explore those as well. I believe when you’re with someone you accept them for both the good and the bad, but how can you do that when you do not even know the bad yet?

Because I know my worth and also because I have been through a lot in relationships, I would never settle. So I go into situations cautiously and I do not believe everything I am fed. I am more of an actions girl rather than a talk girl. If a guy can show me he’s consistent over the period of a few weeks or months, then I will most likely be letting my guards down little by little and giving him more of my time, which is a big step for me. I usually do not see a guy more than once or twice a week in the beginning and gradually increase it based on our progress. We make time for what we want to make time for, don’t we? See, I am an extremely busy lady. With a blossoming career, going back to grad school soon, taking care of my grandmother, spending at least an hour in the gym every day, and attempting to balance some sort of social life; my time is extremely valuable and limited. If a guy cares about me, he will respect what I have going on and support me unconditionally, which includes letting me take my time. That will, in turn, make me want to be with him even more. But instead I am constantly losing interest or cutting people off because I do not do well with feeling pressured.

Perhaps one day I will find a man keen enough to find the perfect symmetry between courting a young lady and giving her appropriate space. Until then I am left asking the same question repeatedly until I am discouraged to the point where I do not even want to date anymore…. WHAT’S THE RUSH?!

My Insatiable Love for Beyonce

I have many idols and women I look up to in my life. Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, and several others. I even have had this extreme obsession with Jennifer Lopez for my entire life that is definitely worth a mention. But when it comes to Beyonce Knowles, I am BEYOND a fan. I know she is one of the most popular celebrities in the world and it goes without saying that she is loved by millions. I also realize that when regular people like me become obsessed with celebrities, it’s a little silly. However, I cannot explain or express enough how much I love this woman. Yes, I have never met her, and no, I probably won’t in my lifetime (although I did spot her in Manhattan one time with Solange in 2005 and almost fainted). No, I do not know her personally, and yes I realize she is just a human being like anyone else despite her fame and fortune. But still, there is something about this woman that defies my logic and goes beyond my typical behavior and beliefs. It just is what it is. All I need in this world of sin is.... Beyonce.

The common word these days for what I have become is known as “stan”. This means an extreme fan that cannot be told anything bad about their favorite celebrity because they are unreasonably biased, almost to the point of brainwash. I accept this title proudly. In reality I just don’t see how anyone could NOT like Beyonce. I have actually sat there and tried to wrap my mind around that concept, to no avail. As Beyonce herself has stated in one of her songs, “there’s nothing not to love about me.” But I guess I can understand not liking her music, because people’s tastes in music vary obviously. I understand not being a complete psychopathic fan like myself and many others. But I do not understand one bit how anyone can deny her God-given talent or say that they do not respect her. That is just sacrilege.

Say what you want about her and have your opinions, but some things are just obvious facts in life. Beyonce can sing and dance like no other entertainer of our generation. We do not often see pop stars like Michael Jackson and Madonna who set trends and become so iconic and talented that they change lives. There are just some people who are clearly MADE to do what they do, and Beyonce Knowles was most certainly put on this earth to be a performer. She puts on an amazing show and gives it her all, singing her heart out while simultaneously dancing her ass off. You may not favor her work, but it cannot be said that she is not passionate about her music and her performances (which is becoming rare in this day and age where most are solely motivated by profits).

I will admit (because I am not THAT irrational) that she is not the best actress but I can see her progression with acting and appreciate that she’s tried new things besides singing. Her other business ventures, including a fashion line that embodies her family’s history, have been very successful, and she has broken records, won awards, sold out tours, and accomplished more in 30 years than most people could ever dream of. All the while she has made it a point to keep her personal life private and remain a meticulous woman with class and poise. Even her impeccable work ethic has been praised by posh legends like Prince. Despite being a megastar, she seems very genuine and remains well-grounded and humble. You can tell she stands by her family and holds herself to strict standards and high morals. I can also appreciate that Beyonce often tries to empower women, even in an industry where sex sells and dignity is often forgotten. She has managed to never appear cheap or tasteless no matter how revealing her ensemble… proving that you can be powerfully sexy without compromising who you are. She leads by example, both by staying out of scandals and by waiting to have a child until after getting married and aggressively pursuing her career. She has inspired myself and countless others to push harder in life and follow our dreams. In a world where talentless women often find fame just because of their looks or sex appeal, you cannot tell me Beyonce's credentials are not extremely impressive. I am not hearing it. So do I really need to keep going on and on? Because I really could….

I said all this to say one thing. Give credit where it is due. Beyonce specifically differentiates herself from other artists in many ways and sets the bars for other singers, celebrities, and women period. You may not like her, and you are entitled to your opinions, but I think that tearing down a beautiful woman who is making a difference in this world and sharing her incredible gift is just senseless. There is a reason she’s been so successful and has so many fans (and die-hard stans). She really is a special artist who has undeniably impacted the world and pop culture as we know it. And if I did not convince you with this unbelievably infatuated blog post, then clearly my persuasive writing skills are not as sharp as I have sworn they are since 7th grade. But it was definitely worth a shot.